"Can a praying mantis fly?"

"Praying mantises have two pairs of wings. They can fly
but usually take flight only to move from one perch to another
or to escape from predators. They are not long distance fliers.
Adult female mantises are often incapable of flight because
their bodies are heavy with the weight of undeveloped eggs. "


..."heavy with the weight of undeveloped eggs"...

!!!

"Bethany, what's wrong with you?"

Nothing. It's just a giant praying mantis
dangling from the ceiling like dripping water torture.
Close enough for me to watch it turn its head
to look at me with two tiny red dots,
sizing me up as its perceived predator?
And it may or may not fly. Neat.

Can't edge far enough away from it.

You're never more alone than
when no one else in the room
is *scared of a bug* but you.
But then again,
no one else sees it like this:
a green freight truck,
idling between gears,
increasingly pissed off
at the price of diesel.

That thing is big enough to eat a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Take a picture of it."

Right, no, IT'S TERRIFYING.

"I wish I could take a picture of you,
looking up at like that, haha!"

Ok. But I'm going to faint.

Everyone thinks it's beauuuutiful.
Ok. I do, too.
Out. Side.
A perfect fucking 10.


Balance. Ignore it.
No bouncing on the ball.
Don't move, don't scratch that itch.

...

I can't put my headphones on?
I can't put my headphones on!
Fear says,
"No headphones unless you want
that beauuuuuutiful thing in your hair
next time you come out of your digital trance
to scratch an itch. Smooch!"

Now,
I'm pissed.
I will not be denied my music today,
possibly egg-laden, perhaps flightless creature
who just inched closer to me.
@#$%!!
This is why I hate camping, too.
There. I said it.
Unless it's a gentle (bug-free)
snowfall on the ground
outside of a warm (bug-free) cabin,
with electricity and a bathtub,
forget (bug-free) me.

"He's not going to bother you."

He already has, and has anyone stopped to think
that he might be terrified, too?
That bug could be in a state of crisis
and ready to jump. Or she, with hundreds more.


Party Shuffle, work it out for me:

All I’ve Got to Do :: The Beatles
If I Fell :: The Beatles
Jump for Joy :: Danny Elfman
Fallen Angel :: Elbow
One Very Important Thought :: Boards of Canada
I'm Amazed :: Pixies
No Sign of Life :: OK Go
Girlfriend is Better :: Talking Heads
Another Day :: Air
Go To Sleep :: Radiohead
U Want to Want :: Cursor Miner
Pimpf :: Depeche Mode
The Journey Within :: Soundscape
Playgirl (Snap Ant Version) :: Ladytron
Country House :: Blur
J'Ai Dormi Sous L'Eau :: Air


You're not still here,
are you?
Oh man, I'm sorry.
Shaun, my hero, took him outside.
Put him in a tree. Bird probably ate him. I'm good now.
I still may faint though, and my teeth hurt.


One More Time :: Clash
Destroy Everything You Touch :: Ladytron
Music is My Radar :: Blur
Coming Second :: Elbow
Exit Music (For a Film) :: Radiohead
Stop Breathing :: Pavement
Novocaine for The Soul :: Eels


(Hey. Cool.)
(Thank you, iTunes,
thank you, terrible, beauuuutiful praying mantis.)