Monday, February 28, 2005

Aw man! When did the masses lose their sense of humor? People are actually mad over Roadkill Candy. What? Are we done throwing red paint on the fur industry already?

Friday, February 25, 2005

Fugitive links for youuuuuuu-gitive.

Just because I can't write everyday doesn't mean I don't think about you everyday. Get the freak outta here, of COURSE it doesn't! But just wait until I get dooced and boy, I'll write all night and all day. You'll get extra-sick of me at that point. EXTRA.

But until then, here are a few fugitive and random links I've saved up for you.

ps to Katy: Yes, oh yes-yes, I do love the magazine "Everyday Food". Very much.

Meet Zaioli. Very cute. Observation: I can't understand all the French, but I love that dogs speak the same language all over the world. Ar-rooooooooo woof woof. That was French for "Enjoy!"

More links:

I got on a cupcake kick and found Candied Flowers and (pardon me while I drool) my dream job, the Cupcake Cafe. Someday, man, SOMEDAY.

cool website for cool glasses

one variety of rose we planted in our rockin' Yarden

conserve energy, y'all

The Elusive Liger if you ever had your doubts

I can't believe I'm considering firing up the Visa to order a box of ladybugs for The Yarden. Hey I bought redworms last year, so why not?

Yum bunnies


Fisher-Price keyboard. My idea in high school. Didn't patent it. Oh well, WAY TO GO. Still, I want one anyway.

More roses for The Yarden. Boy, I hope they make it. Go, worms, go!

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Once again, not dead yet. In fact, I'm reanimated from The Terrible Land of Zombiedeath.

I've just been insane at work, phlegmtastic at home, and lollygaggin' on a completely chairless and totally disgusting floor at Laguardia airport for approximately 9 hours on Monday. Do not get me started, I will rant more than the usual mad woman.

But it was all worth it since New York city rocks the entire world. For once, I was home. Finally, a place where I didn't feel alone, retarded or out-of-place. Or all of the above. Home I tell you! Able to leap subway cars in a single bound, hopping puddles of hobo urine with absolutely no human eye contact with anything but the pigeon eating the puddle of vomitted carrots and milk. Disgusting, yes, but it's a lot less freaky than watching a pigeon in Memphis pick a porkrib bone clean:

"Your eyeballs!" she screamed, "Your eyeballs are nexxxxttt!!"

New York was literally It for me. No. Really. I understand It, I get It. I am not the one to start the fight, but as God as my witness, I will finish it:

"What is MY problem? No pardon me, @#$%er @#$%er, what is YOUR problem?! Can't you see I'm walkin' here? What are you, the QUEEN of the 130 East 94th, over here? You really want a bite of this?! BRING IT!"

Good way for me to purge the past couple of weeks anyway. Plus we walked everywhere in the cold, the temperate, and the snow. Many of you do not understand how that makes me Very Happy. Being that I was born in the Deep South and tried for years to get my parents to take me to Sesame Street, not because I liked Muppets, but because apparently some places had this thing called seasons, besides just summer, and snow versus frog-strangling terrarium humidity. At the age of 5 even, all that looked like a fun to me.

So we saw Christo's Gates. We did a Da Vinci Code themed scavenger hunt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art through Cityhunt, and that was incredible. I don't even like playing games really, and this was extremely validating fun for me. Then we ate dinner at L'Orange Bleue which was surprisingly casual and extremely tasty. Then we ended up at an Amsterdam-type caviar-and-vodka bar named Pravda with a bunch of models, so if you need to know where any of those beautiful types hang out, well there ya go. Then we ended up at Prohibition, which again, was incredible fun.

Okay, so if anyone is left out there reading this, 1. I think you are the absolute greatest person in the world, 2. I'm sorry I made you worry, I'm not dead (yet) so 2. let's take a trip to New York, like, now. I'm still packed. I'll keep an emergency bag packed for the rest of my life, by the way.

Also, check out the darkened picture of me'n'my ponytail and m'(borrowed)red coat praying in front of an out-of-service elevator. That's a long story. At least I'm devout-looking.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

One final note

Regarding painful PowerPoints.

They really do leave a mark, lemme tell ya.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

February's Most Extreme Elimination: A Giant Powerpoint Presentation

Giant. Behemoth. Huge-asstic.

And that's all I really want to say about it for the time being. Let's not tell my parents. I don't want them to question why I went to college for a BA in Fine Arts. And for anyone who's laboring under the misconception that "Powerpoint is just like Flash!", my special note to you is, "You, I got nothin' for anymore."

Things I have done in the past 10 days that didn't require group therapy, for the most part:

Sat courtside at Grizzlies game in a free yet $450 seat. It's funny. I thought all I'd focus on was how tall everyone was. But really, they are all tall so it's this crazy optical illusion. I was also hoping for more swearing (I must've been living vicariously for the moment), but all I heard was one "bullshit" from Bonzi Wells and someone said "mutha fukk." In retrospect, it could've been me.

Traveled to Tupelo for a client meeting and lo, there was an angel named Angela. So for an hour or so, I got to reunite with one of the rarest of types: A Good Roommate. One of the two only truly decent roommates I ever had. And there she was twelve years later, still married and now with one kid. Life is like that.

Made flight reservations to New York City for next weekend. Going to visit my best friend since third grade. She's getting married. This is the part where I don't talk about how the guy she is marrying is not good enough for her because no one really is. This is the part where I hope I am wrong.

Decided to fall victim to advertising once again and bought some Crest White Strips. Effective commercials. But they don't show the pretty lady with the big mouth and white teeth hocking an oyster into a nearby garbage can after she takes those nasty strips out of her mouth. "You can whiten your teeth anywhere! As long as you know how to spit like a cowpoke!"

Got a new battery-op toothbrush *free* with the strips. I like that thing.

Didn't vacuum the house.

Went to Bart, Mamie and Hannah's house and helped Mamie fry tiny chicken wings and played with Hannah's My Pretty Pony collection. Thank God for down-to-earth, good, decent, honest, funny people. Thank someone as much as possible for this.

Lost a pound here or there. Gained a pound here or there. Good news: It's probably all sinus weight. Welcome, Spring. I'm feel your deathgrip on my face. Ah, Memphis.

I had a picture and linkie or two to post, so lemme find them. I always miss you guys when I am gone. No, really!