Friday, February 29, 2008

Ow, I broke my liver with my marrow fork at a wine-tasting/food-pairing event. Had a horrible dream involving a mall, a woman in a wheelchair, and a nasty fall. But the virtual video game arcade at the mall was amazing.

I did everything on My List but not on The List. Think I have started grinding my teeth again in my sleep. I'll ask the cat.

I did a few things on The List and remained hopeful and optimistic about finishing The Entire List which is sort of The Master List, but I think I need to break The Master List down into stages. I'll put that on The Other List.

Let's see, "Amnesia" comes on tonight. I watched "My Dad is Better Than Your Dad" and decided to never watch it again unless someone decides to remake it as a Japanese gameshow instead.

Thought the same thing about the movie "The Notebook."

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

Monday, February 25, 2008

Real Monkies Eat Quiche.

Update at very O+ for all those quiche lovers out there.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


A new gameshow premiering February 22, with Dennis Miller as the host -- which I'd like to watch at least once, but I bet $20 that I naturally forget to watch it. Seriously.

And unless it comes on either two years from now or in an alternate universe where it's going to be Sunday two days from now, I guess I'll never see it.

It's all just a good excuse for us to all take a moment to sharpen our wits with a mind game. Not the bad kind, but a nice one -- like a crossword, or Scrabulous, or Lumosity.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

Bonus: If the glue doesn't hold, you could always huff it instead.

For the record, kids,
we here at labmonkie neither huff glue fumes
nor promote the actual huffing of glue fumes
We just think it's extra funny to say the word "huff."

But that could be the marijuana talkin'.

No, we don't do that either.

We kid. It's what we do.


Saturday, February 16, 2008


New work by assemblage artist Carie Wilson Newton
Opening reception at Lulalyn Gallery

Friday, Feb. 22

(I love her stuff, especially her photography. Go.)

Friday, February 15, 2008

Happy "Bob Odenkirk is Brilliant" Day!

Linky linky loo!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

A conversation between me and my boyfriend, Stephen Merchant:

(Stephen's in the bathtub, with bubbles, reading "Eat, Pray, Love")

me,"So, Stephen, I was thinking -- "

smerch, "Once never hurt anyone."

me, (ignoring that comment) "You know how tomorrow's Valentine's Day, and well, I was thinking we should try something different this year, seeing as we have the rest of our lives together and all."

smerch, "What? No jetting off to Paris to hang out in front of the Eiffel Tower, pretend were climbing it like monkeys, forced perspective photos, that sort of thing?"

me, "I know that's always fun, but no, I was thinking: I watched Half Nelson last night, and I was thinking that possibly Evan Gosling could be my Valentine this year."

smerch, (wide-eyed, he looks up from his book, and pauses. Two, quick drips of water from the leaky faucet plink-plink into the bubblebath.) "Johnny Depp is going to be simply blinded by this news, don't you think?"

As if on director's cue, my cellphone rings.

smerch, "There he is. Again. Mobile's always tweedlin', day and night."

me, "'Tweedlin'...? You promise you're not gay?"

smerch, "I should be so fortunate."

me, "So whaddya say? Do y'mind much if Evan's my Valentine this year? It won't be much. Sushi probably. He's an actor. You know how I feel about actors. Not my type."

smerch, "Obviously. And, as if it matters much, his name is Ryan, not Evan. Well, I'm just glad I'm not the jealous sort. Home by 10 then?"

me, "And that's why I love you."

smerch, "Just don't ever leave me, it'd rip my soul to shreds, I'd be forced to walk the streets, groping and tearing at my clothes in agony and whatnot. Eviscerated."

me, "Look, as long as you keep making those Rob Roys the way I like 'em, we're good. So what's up with that book you've got there?"

smerch, "Just curious really. She babbles on and on but says some mildly entertaining bits in a chapter or two. Kinda reminds me of you."

me, "Fine, just don't be gay."

smerch, "Half Nelson?"

me, "Eh, the critics seemed to like it, but it would've been better as a shorter, less-produced film. Plus, I had a hard time buying that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend. She looked like a stand-in. He studied her face too hard at the park for me to buy it -- you could tell he was acting. I'm sure I'm just jealous."

smerch, "Speakin' of, see to it that you call Johnny back before tomorrow. That tweedlin's driving me absolutely mental."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

The nose is not helping much either.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Happy Monday!

Recent update at itp wtf?, new thought at very O+, and bulb-forcing with booze over at The Yarden.

What? You say The Yarden needs a little sprucing up color-wise, maybe more photos? You're so right. Okay, I'll work on that today. No. Really.

xoxo - bny

Saturday, February 09, 2008

me: "Get up. It's 10:15."

ma: (slurred speech) "I'm goin' fer 10:45."

me: thinking, "Man...I need to wash my car. And my hair," which made me more tired, so I didn't move.

ma: "I dreamed I lit a green candle."

me: "What does that mean?"

ma: "It's Jewish."

me: "So that makes you...what...a Zen Jewthodist?" Funny enough last night, I'd finally decided I was a Zen Methuslimodistolic. But now I realized, of course -- I had left out Jewish. So now I'll have to rethink my denomination. Zen Jew-meth-uslim-odist-olic...? Zen Meth-jew-uslim-odist-olic...? I'm working on it. Forever.

She said she didn't remember telling me any of that this morning. But still, it was inspirational enough to me, obviously. And funny. Plus, I think she remembers. Too much.

Friday, February 08, 2008

It's the StressEraser, found at Sharper Image for $299.95.

Or, for only $5.95,
take two swigs of Nyquil and call me in the morning.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

'Cause she's a

Everyone here in the 75-year old apartment Sanabel is accounted for -- she's just missing a few shingles. I think she was missing two or three before then, too, but that's why we love her so. Tough ol' chick made of brick and stone and love. Speaking of, I'm off to Jackson for doctor's appointment tomorrow if anyone needs me.

Breaking news: Knute Rockne isn't running for President anymore. Ah, well. He was a good footballer anyway.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

This was my To-Do List Telephone-Time Scribble from yesterday.
The scribbly scribbles over his head are a little foreboding
since we just had a great-huge tornado tear through East Memphis.
And there's a strike-through on Mrs. Black's name.
That's not too ominous -- she's the apartment manager,
and it was just a leaky toilet.

Which I fixed for now by tying a tube sock around the leaking pipe.

But the tornado was very bad news,
with m
ore on the way tonight, too.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Ilika the Ikea Condos.

Maybe it's just because someone else puts them together for you. Every time I do it, I always have at least two screws left over.