As I was leaving work yesterday,
instead of getting a standard "goodnight" exchange,
the woman at the parking garage toll booth told me,
"You look tiiiiiiiired."

To which I laughed and said,
"Really? Well, I almost made it to Friday, didn't I?"
But really,
here's a list of

The Top 15 Things I Thought Instead:

15. Oops! Guess I better save up for that surgery!

14. Oh thank God, one day closer to the silence
that death will surely bring.

13. Really?! You should see what I did to your mom!

12. Yeah, on my way to my Cannibalistics Anonymous meeting.
But hey...what're you doing for dinner?

11. I know. Israel blew up some airport today.

10. Well, now that you mention it,
my crumbling bones do sort of ache...

9. What? F*ck you!

8. No really, get in the car, and kiss my tired butt.

7. Sorry? I can't hear you. See, my soul is dead.

6. Yes. Life is exactly the way I dreamed of it
as a sparkly-eyed little girl.

5. Oh stop making me laugh, I just shattered a spleen.

4. Here. Take this free brochure on
"Why God Loves Me, Not You."

3. Close. "Vitriolic."

2. I'm sure it's just a tumor.

1. So, wait now,
where is the nice lady you replaced,
you know, the PRETTY one
who called me "baby" every night?



Thinking back on it, maybe I was just tired.