Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I am so incredibly busy doing things
I care absolutely nothing about.

So, before I go completely homicidal,
I had to stop and dig through some old,
unfinished drafts I never posted.
My, how time flies when you have
another crushing deadline,
the morning toast burns twice,
and the cat knocks that
favorite potted plant off the windowsill,
all before 8:00am on a typical Wednesday.
Damn. Damn dammity dammit.

Well. Dilbert made a killing on it.
That gives me hope.
And ideas.

A Moment with a Sad Generic Product of Her Own Environment:

Ron: "What? You haven't heard about (enter name of New Jersey's governor here)? Yeah, he's resigning. Had an extra-marital affair with some guy."

Me: "Wanna hear sad? Unless he's 480 lbs. and fused to a couch somewhere,* my brain doesn't know a thing about it."

*now this is the most tragic thing I've heard in quite some time, and I've heard a lot.


I posted this already I think but hey, here it is again:


cool JFDS video


Ok, back to the grind.
But first, ooOOooooOooo look what I got for my birthday:
participation in
The Genographic Project

"...What is the purpose of collecting DNA for the Genographic Project?
DNA samples are being collected to analyze specific
'markers of descent' in order to probe questions
about deep ancestry and historical human migration."

I've said it before, but honestly, maybe now I'll understand
why I love sushi and can sing like Etta James.
(Actually, it's more of a Judy Garland/Stevie Wonder mix...
but then again, so was Etta James, so nevermind...)

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Forty questions meme, forty questions meme!

tagged by bushra ('lo, bushra!)

1) Who is the last person you high-fived?
Good question. I cannot remember. Does a soul shake count for anything?

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you survive.
Odds are, depending on the cause, if I weren't killed immediately by a virus or by ambush, I'd have to go AWOL and stick it to The Man, whichever Man that would be, who got us into this silly war to begin with. V is for Vedetta, ya know. I'd also use my mad skills as a sniper.

3) Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. No tv in bedroom. Bad feng shui and bitter chop suey. Now, let's hope all the fish die so I can punt the noisy aquarium because it makes me dream that I have to tinkle all the time. Yes. I said "tinkle."

4) Have you ever drunk milk straight out of the carton?
Yes. Had a (256 pound) roommate named Helen who'd open my fresh new carton before I was ready to, so she could lighten her coffee ya know, after I hauled it all the way from the store down the way. So I put on the reddest lipstick I had, opened my new carton myself and imprinted myself on it. Take that, Helen. You still owe me 20 bucks. (I wrote a song about her if anyone wants the lyrics.)

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
Nooooo, I was second runner up, and I screwed up "collage" with "college". Chalk it up to performance anxiety. D-a-m-m-i-t.

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Yes, and two wasps, too. Ants don't count, do they?

7) How fast can you type?
Not very. Can you believe I never imagined I'd have a job using a keyboard.

8) Are you afraid of the dark?
Bring it on...

9) Eye color:

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
No, but I've got a good story about that.

11) When was the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
Had a bath last night and shower this morning. I love baths so very much.

12) Do you knock on wood?

13) Do you floss daily?

15) Can you hula hoop?

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
Yes. But getting the truth out there is very important.

17) What do you want for Christmas?
World peace. And a giant muth@#$Kin' blue-ice-rock diamond'n'platinum ring, baby...

So I could, uh...sell...for...donations to the...World Peace....Fund...

18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
Screw that action. I'd rather know the Frito Bandito. Rowwrrowwr!

19) Do you talk in your sleep?
Not as much as I used to.

20) Who wrote the book of love?
The Beatles.

21) Have you ever flown a kite?

22) Do you wish on your fallen lashes?
Oh, I totally forgot about that. Not anymore...

23) Do you consider yourself successful?
Hardly, but you just wait...

24) How many people are on your contact list of your cell?

25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
Yeah, and luckily I got them because my grandfather was a horse trader, among other things, so I had two ponies (Pat and Trixie).

26) Plans for tomorrow?
Baby shower, cupcakes, and booze.

27) Can you juggle?
No. I sort of wish I could.

28) Missing someone now?

29) When was the last time you told someone "I love you"?

30) And truly meant it?
I believe in yesterday.

31) How often do you drink?
Not enough.

32) How are you feeling today?
Manic. My eyes hurt, but it's Friday, so nevermind!

33) What do you say too much? know what I mean?...

34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?

35) What are you looking forward to?
Going on a roadtrip home next weekend.

36) Have you ever crawled through a window?
I came in through a bathroom window...

37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
I have tried a Milkbone dog biscuit. And a Beggin' Strip. It was insanely disgusting, but dogs like the taste of cat barf so I'm not the target market.

38) Can you handle the truth?
Are you talking about that David Duchovney-type alien truth. Because if so, yes. If not, nevermind.

39) Do you like green eggs and ham?
Now you're just being silly.

40) Any cool scars?
Nerdy scar:
Small scar on left hand from The Unfortunate Bicycle Incident about five years ago. (I hobbled home bleeding, trying not to cry, and climbed into the bathtub with a Zima. How sad, it was all I had.)

Cool scar:
Smaller scar on right hand where some (cute) guy (accidentally) burned me with a cigarette (but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it because he was cute). So hey, whatreyouu lookin' at, I'm (kind of stupid but at the time it made me look) tough.

This meme would probably be a lot more entertaining if I let certain friends answer these questions. But hey, this is a family show.

As for tagging, I choose zoey because she is the apex, you know what i mean?; Jessie's mom, but she may be busy basketballing until April; and Bubba, you need to get a blog so I can tag you; oh yes, and I issue this special, angered, pounding, ham-fisted request for the Angry Czeck to participate, because (one) we need more uproarious laughter posted to your new original scent Irish Spring-fresh blog, and (two) he needs to prove his manliness to me in the form of forty questions. YES, I said "ham-fisted."

Friday, March 24, 2006

This is neat.

(She is right. Sent in from KellyKellyKellyKellyKellyyyy. I'm a Hazelnut Tree. I knew my tree would have nuts in it before I even looked...)

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool and somewhat
accurate. Find your tree below and see what you are like...
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
Ma y 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree!
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree

TREES (in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm,
appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile,
adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to lo! ve and be loved,
faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves
children, needs affectionate partner.

[] Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive, vivacious,
impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious,
intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic,
reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands
attention, needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its
looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical,
good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime
companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive,
elegant,friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in
excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very
passionate, full of imagination, little ambition,! creates a calm and
content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt,
likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends
to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined,
often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious,
healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive,
well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born
diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard
worker, s ometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely
family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable,
takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to
be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love
a! nd affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be
satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and
careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes,
modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead
but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for
others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed,
honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard
worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and
animals, sexually oriented, great sense of humor, has artistic talent
and great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handles stress
well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close
to them, hard to trust others, yet a social! butterfly, likes idleness
and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest,
talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very
demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a
lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics,
popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a
precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its
looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as
comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks
for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of
unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most
people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life
dish! es out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good
ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear
tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make
sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always
enough time to use them, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times
but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of
imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud,
self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many
complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants
to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong,
unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet
on the ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings,
reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence,! tolerant,
cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic,
free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace
and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write
poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls
strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally
soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented,
not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs
goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great
animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward
philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted
without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves! life, motion, unrest, and
even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste,
artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of
contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected
reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult
and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious
strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves
family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic,
loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic
places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy
to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition,
suffers in love un til they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves
to make others laugh.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

"I'm Not Dead Yet"


"One Flew Over the Grizzly's Maze"

That's my quick review of "Grizzly Man" by Werner Herzog.

If you haven't seen or heard of it, it's a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, a tripolar guy who decided to live with the Kodiak bears (somewhere, I'm not good with geography after two beers) to promote awareness for them, to protect them, etc. Boy, did he create awareness or what -- I'm not giving anything away by telling you that the authorities didn't find much more of his unfortunate bear-mauled remains than his watch.

"Timex. It takes a mauling and keeps on hauling."

Bad. Bad bad bad. But as disrespectful as that sounds, I'm sure he'd have thought that was funny. Ha ha. At least some part of him somewhere. He had about three distinct sides that I could tell from the hours of footage he shot, talking to himself. He reminded me of a friend I have who is insane and restless like he is. It was insane and beautiful at the same time. Bizarre. None of it ever seemed real to me.

Sure, this guy seemingly had a deathwish - whether it was a handful of painkillers and bourbon or a giant, unfazed bear that was sure to finish him off someday. But you really should watch it if you get a chance, and tell me what you think. My opinion was that it thoroughly fascinated me.

Tragically, Timothy should've stuck to foxes as they actually liked him just fine. He captured some beautiful imagery and footage with those babies. But then again, we'd probably be less likely to hear of a story about a crazy guy who lived with foxes. You know how it goes, it's not a good party unless someone barfs. Or dies.

Oh, that is just terrible. Why do I say these things. It's because I'm in a mad rush. But I just had to tell you about the crazy bearman movie. Or maybe, I'm just an insane dwarf in a bad art film.

On the subject of the director, this documentary made me completely forgive Werner Herzog for that damn "Even Dwarves Started Small" film he did in the 70s. Words cannot describe my hate for that movie. It's the kind of movie that makes people hate art films. And that makes me sad.

Oh wait, I thought of a way to express my hate for it. Imagine I blew up an innocent baby toad frog with a firecracker. See that image? That is this movie. With an insane dwarf laughing in the background. Babbling in German. And in black and white.

"But the film evoked an emotion in you, didn't it? Therefore, it must be art."

Ok. I also get a similar reaction when I watch Jessica Simspon slink around that Pizza Hut commercial singing "These bites are made for poppin'." So that's art, too? I guess so since the poor child dies from heart failure at the end. Bravo!

Is it Friday yet?

Friday, March 17, 2006

Mmmm-M! Is that breakfast sausage I smell?

No, it's Bethany's brain @ work.

But luckily, this just in (thank you, coworker no. 6):

"Be Smarter at Work, Slack Off"

ps: I tried to take the "How stressed are you" quiz at the bottom,
but I got a nosebleed and passed out from lack of oxygen.
So nevermind!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Q: What night is it?

A: Trivia Night at Flying Saucer.

The website doesn't really reflect the correct atmosphere,
which is kind of
"Beer Garden with Plates and Saucers
Covering the Walls and Ceiling
and Goth Girl Servers
in Tiny Black Skirts and Knee Socks"...

Oh well. Who cares! New question: Who needs a pint?

Monday, March 13, 2006


......playing..........57 once.... orisinal...!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

a small set of quickies.

Monday, March 06, 2006

when I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide where I stop and turn and I go for a ride till I get to the bottom and I see you again. only this time, you are made of clay. interesting...

"Live Freaky! Die Freaky!"

And 3 nice ones from

1. green
2. almighty
3. book-of-numbers

Friday, March 03, 2006

My first attempt at that crazy thing called "meme".

Please allow time to enjoy the webcammy goodness of this post.

tagged by bushra. (yoohoooo, 'lo, bushra!)

4 jobs I've had in my life:

1. Working at a pizza place in high school: best job I've ever had in my life.
My boss built a man out of crumpled up newspapers and clothing from in the lost-and-found box, put it on trial and found it guilty for sodomy, then burned it in the parking lot. When the police came, they just shook their heads, put it out, and came in for the policeman discount + beer. While I can never devise such evil plans myself, I belong in the middle of these plans. I see they are still in business somewhere. Our location went bankrupt. Go figure!

2. *Designing* institutional wallpaper: worst job I ever had in my life.
But interestingly enough, the designer I replaced had designed a human skull hidden into every wallpaper design he did. His assistant showed me. It was beautiful, and I wonder where that guy ended up because I'd like to have known him. Anyway, I quit after 3 days when they tried to make me wash the gigantic silkscreens, unmasked and with toxic spray. If I want to cropdust myself, I'll do it on my own time thanks. So I called in the next day and told him "a monkey could do that job." Little did I know what my fate would surely become one day.

3. Advertising agency designer and copywriter.
Basically, it had its mixed moments of Praise God and Hail Satan.

4. Currently, work as an Interactive Designer and Writer.
At this very moment, I'm conducting an independent study of ICR or Internet Capabilities Research. For those unable to read between the lines, I'm what some might say "dicking around on the internet." But those people who think that have got it allllll wrong, baby. All wrong. Us ICRers will own you one day...oops, damn! I've said too much. Next question...

4 movies I can watch over and over again:

1. "Raising Arizona"
2. "Dancing Outlaw"
3. "American Movie"
4. "Rushmore"
...I know these don't count as movies, but I could watch"The Office","Ali G", and "Strangers with Candy" until I glazed over like a Krispy Kreme donut.

4 places I have lived:

1. Jackson "The Bold New City" Mississippi, model town of the future
2. another midsize model town in Mississippi, yet with a water feature in the form of a reservoir, so "nice"
3. does the mad stint in Atlanta, Georgia count?
4. by the river in Memphis, Tennessee

4 TV shows I love to watch:

1. "Arrested Development" (cancelled! those bastards!)
2. "Reno 911!"
3. "The Colbert Report" (it's the only reason I keep the cable)
4. it's a tie between "E! True Hollywood Stories" and "Cold Case Files"

4 places I have been on vacation:

1. London to Paris
2. Munich to Hohenschwangau/Neuschwanstein
3. Nice to Monaco to Barcelona and Monserrat
4. Chicago to New York to Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
sorry, have to list one more: and a suprisingly wonderful (and free) Disney cruise to the Bahamas and Castaway Cay. No, really, it was extremely nice. Thank you, Scott R.

4 websites I visit daily:

2. for all searches
3. for personalized, I am a goob...anyway....
4. recently found: gawker

4 favourite foods:

1. sushi/sashimi - anything but sea urchin, dear God, not the sea urchin
2. pho ga and spring rolls with shrimp, no pork
3. sopa de pollo and a frozen margarita or two
4. freakin' birthday cake - I don't care what kind, it's all good.

4 places I'd rather be right now:

1. with my parents, doing some senseless shopping, laughing at how they phrase things and the stories they tell, drinking coffee and splitting desserts, then dinner with home-grown vegetables, tiny wine, and then on to as much Ted Danson as my mother can exhume from syndication. She just loves that man. I had no idea.
2. anywhere in France would work, but I'll take Paris in the park in the rowboat again, with a giant chocolate-iced cookie and warm red wine in a plastic cup. Or Nice. That place was gorgeous.
3. anywhere in Canada. Or "Portland: The Other Canada". Or Chicago - hey, wait. I'm going there in April, huzzah and hellsyeah.
4. Inside the mind of Karl Pilkington, "Master of Confusionism (tm)". I just trademarked that, Ricky, so we'll get together, and you can break me off some cash.

4 people I'll tag with this list of questions meme:

Jesse's mom
Bubba, you need a blog so I could tag you.
anyone else? Sir Bri-Mixalot?
How about you, Brokeback AngryCzeck?

...Bueller? ..... ...Bueller?*

*ooo, which reminds me, I could watch that movie over and over, too.

So I got wordy, what's new, that was fun.

ps: a big thumbs-up in advance to Meredith!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

One more reason why it's best I don't have kids.

Because if he was mine and he did this, then I couldn't respect myself
if my beatings didn't pound the little bastard into a meatball.

Hey, at least I admit it.

Ok, I wouldn't beat a child.

Sheesh. I'd just leave him to
fend for himself at a truck stop in Arizona.
If he was my kid, he'd figure it out and
make some friends along the way...
Better make some cash, too,
to bring home to Mumsie...
Because if he's not my kid, then
I'll be plenty pissed unless he forks over some 20s.

Does anyone else have Spring Fever, or is it just me?

I've been out taking pictures with the POS. I've just started,
only one set of far, but it's definitely spring.
Better take more soon before summer comes and melts the asphalt.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Learn something new everyday.

1. New word for the day: meme
Who knew! Use it daily.
I read it three times already
and still don't fully comprehend it,
but I think actually I do it everyday.
More caffeine for me-meeeeee.

2. Make sure your insurance policies are current.
Check this oddly divine video of
car crash porn on,
via a9 search for meme.

3. Eat more Ksar Blend from Sahale Snacks.
It's so good I can't even describe it
unless I use my hands.
Did you see what I just did with my hands?
Well, nevermind - go, now, get your own today!

Oh my sweet lord,
no wonder I'm walking death.
This tea has no caffeine.
Why why why??