Wednesday, January 18, 2006

"Product Review, Product Review: New favorite drink besides gin.*"

It's Lipton's Green Tea with Citrus. Diet, no less. And it's good.

Oh look, and it's good for you, they say. I'm not sure I believe that, being that the fourth ingredient is sodium hexametaphosphate. But you know, I think aspartame's tendency to produce temporary memory loss will take care of that. It is aspartame, isn't it? Take care of what, you ask? Exactly.

No, really though, it's good in my opinion. I mean it. You can really taste that fake honey taste, water gets boring after awhile, and this is a great alternative to regular diet drinks in its general vicinity.

Well, ok. It's not fake honey. I'm too much of a smartass today to give you a non-sarcastic view. But on the sunny side, that could be the flavonoids and antioxidants talkin.' It's good stuff. Get some today. They come in a variety of different flavors apparently. But not at the downtown WalGreen's I frequent, so nevermind! That's fine. I don't really need a big selection. I just want a bottle that hasn't been touched already by someone.

Which reminds me, it's "National Clean Your Computer Desk, Keyboard and Mouse Day"!

Aww, and you forgot to send out your "National Clean Your Computer Desk, Keyboard and Mouse Day" greeting cards for this year, didn't you? Well that's ok, this time, since I just made up this non-secunominationalistic holiday. You can try to get the day off for it, but unless you work at the Post Office, Lady Luck be with you. So why this new Day? I'm not OCD, just clean. Is that so wrong?

Plus, I was watching some daily show this morning, and since that fancy War on Terror must be over now, no news of that, they had plenty of time to talk about the important stuff, like just how filthy a desk becomes, especially since 75% of *workers* admitted to eating lunch at their desk.

The petite blonde guest on the show was really driving home that point of how disgusting a keyboard could become and at first, she made me think, "Yeah, I guess I could clean mine." And the more she talked, the more my thoughts shifted toward her, and how perky and sassy she was, and how I bet she gets drunk at Bunco and rags all the *galpals* who didn't show up for Bunco that night, and how she needed to shut up about the germy keyboards and you know what, I bet sshhhhheeeeeeee doesn't have to eat at her desk. And hey, Blondie, I bet I can save you the inconvenience of making your Pottery Barn life a dirty place for once. I just won't eat at my desk like a monkey -- I'll go out for lunch like a human. The more she talked the madder I got. "So yeah, I can clean my desk, Babs, and I can get up and walk erect the way nature intended," I remembered as I ate my sad leftover vegetarian chili at my germfree desk today.

Not gross. Just permanently damaged yet so productive.

*Oh, not really, I can't drink gin anymore because it makes me horse around with handguns. And that only surprises about 3 of you out there, I can feel it.

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