"M-mm...more water soup, ma, plllleaase?"

Oh, shit. If I can't work in the salt mines anymore,
where shall I work...whatever shall I do...

Invest in sea salt futures? Ok!


+++++


Oooo, whaddya think...iLawsuit?
Aw come on, Apple. It's not like I can wear it around my neck and dance with it!
Unless it comes in PINK!



+++++


Speaking of pink: Cupcakes! In Chicago?
Great! I'm planning on being there in April anyway.

(How 'bout it, Tara...you up for a cupcake pilgrimage with me?)

Oh damn, they even have pupcakes.



+++++


And finally,

you are so right, Jacquie, these lejo puppet shows are...strangely...addictive.





Oh, and I have a random prediction for no reason:

Harpsichords will be making a big comeback sometime soon.
No, really. Mark my words. Look, I don't know why I know this.
But trust the intuition of someone who can keep a sweater
for 13 years until it comes back in style again.
Or,
did it never go out of style to begin with...hmmmm?

You're right. "Who cares."

I misread this as Deliciously Diaper Cupcake.

That'd change just everything, wouldn't it?
I could definitely sell them for a hell of a lot more if so.

ps: No, I'm not throwing an Oscar party or
dressing up cupcakes with M&M's like a gaybait.
I normally don't go to the movies because,
besides such blockbusters as "Big Momma's Big Butt" and so on,
I'm too busy watching unclassic, crappy movies like this -
which, in most states, might make me more of a geek than a gaybait.

ps on that ps: Oh yeah, it was an excruciatingly
bad attempt at a movie. My feet could have done a better job
puppetteering with toe socks and flip-flops -
which, in this case, gives me an idea...

Well, alright.

Explains why I can't find a decent parking space.



+++++

This is what the OK Go "Oh No" CD looks like on the outside.
Nice wrapper. I hated to rip it.
I'd love to tell you all what it's like on the inside,
like on the CD, but for now I can't.
Not until I make myself completely deaf
with this one song, "A Million Ways."

OK Go...
I love you.

Especially, of course, that tall, skinny one
Yeah you, Damian.
Oh no, don't you worry. I'll get in line.

"A Million Ways" Dance by OK Go.
OK Impressive!

Big note to all those headphoned people like me:
Watch out for the first 3 seconds of this clip. Mui, very loud.

"White people are crazy...crazy and nasty..."

- Raineesha Williams, Reno 911


I'm sure I'm just jealous or something.
Xaviera seems fascinating enough.
(I just shouldn't have clicked the "Related Pictures" photo.
Looks like a gross of canned biscuit dough exploded.)
I do like her earrings in her photo, though.
I have a similar fish charm hanging off me purse.



Still, people are insane to pay money to stand around naked.
That's where I must be jealous of this woman:
I must start my own cult.

Speaking of lumps, beer, and webcams...

And finally,


Borat, Gypsy Remover...

plus, "How to Dance Like a White Guy"

And, uno dang good commerciale.
Actually, one of the best I've ever seen.
So buenos noches, and enjoy!

It's been a monkey kind of week so far.

Got obsessed with The Monkees
(it was Valentine's Day that caused that).
Then found some extremely cool space monkey screensavers
from the Gorillaz. Then I got bit on the head
by a wild/annoyed/escaped Resus lab monkey,
and then I died. But I got better.

As always, glad the weekend is spittin' distance away.
And yes, I do disgust even myself saying colloquialisms such as that.


Which reminds me:
I found my old POS camera!

Where?
In the beer box in my car!

Really?
"What's the beer box?" you're asking.
I caught myself asking the same thing, too,
when my brain automatically screamed
"THE BEER BOX"at me.
It's the console in between the driver and passenger seats
where you stow your open beer, just perfect
because it keeps the beer
from tipping over while you're cruisin'
around the Krystal parking lot
in your parent's car every Friday and Saturday night.*

See? I totally forgot that bit about me
growing up in the deep South, too.
And there are numerous reasons for that.

Boy. Having your brain scream things like that at you
is the equivalent of that scene in a zombie movie, y'know,
where the living, clawed hand shoots up
from that freshly turned grave.

In other words, promise me this:
That you will shoot to kill me if I ever worked the phrase
"Git 'Er Dunnn" into any conversation.
Any.



*But I promise you, I wasn't listening to The Eagles,
Chicago, or Journey. It was The Beastie Boys, Madness,
and Adam Ant.

Good question. Find out here.


"How can I stick it to The Man on gas prices?"
Another good question! Read here.

News anchor beamed from the tv this morning:
"Electricity prices are on the rise again,
that story and more, coming up..."
Oh yeah?! Take that, Helmet Hair!


"What can make my laptop and me more popular with the girlies?"
Well, this is an excellent start.
Also, toss in some jewelry or cash. It never hurts.


News Flash: ""VP shoots man in hunt error"
Real News Flash: "VP *accidentally* made billions rebuilding Iraq, too"


Nevermind that: Cupcakes!

Happy "Eat Candy Today, Blame Yourself Tomorrow" Day!

Happy Monday the 13th!

Have a bear.
What for? Why not!

Maybe have a beer with that bear.
And some corn chips and cheese dip.

Great. Now I'm hungry.

Handy Tips for Happy Travelers:

1. Begin packing by creating piles of your necessities
before you pack. This way, you'll see what all you have and
can minimize accordingly before you pack it.

2. Always pack your shampoo and other bottled liquids
in ziplocs or similar plastic bags. Pressurized cabins
can cause your bottles to expand, contract, and leak.

3. Unfortunately, baggage can get lost in-transit.
So always remember to pack your carry-on with a
change of clothes, toothbrush, toothpaste, and
any other essentials you'd need for a day or two.

4. If nail clippers and scissors aren't allowed,
then you certainly can't expect airlines
to let you go through the line with a human head in your bag.
So leave your voodooin' under your bed.

Oooo, look - I painted on me window @ work.

I think it looks nice
hiding that industrial looking garage
that I've never noticed until now.
The riverview is on the other side of the building,
but the indirect light over here is consistently better,
so sayeth this employee number 0010.

Today, we're watching for snow.
Excluding the bit about the guaranteed
100 degree temps in the summer,
it's great living in a region that closes down
when it snows just the slightest bit.

Come on, Snow...

and bring your friend, Mr. Icy Streets...


Photos courtesy of the pink POS.
Which reminds me, now I've got my eye on a Holga.




ps: the sumo wrestler isn't sharing the enthusiasm over the cold.
so i will light his votive candle for warmth. there, there, sumo boy...




++++++




Update: It snowed, everyone's leaving.
Including me. Yee haaaah.



It looks more impressive than the POS can eke out,
but here's the Peabody Hotel with a little snow on it.

Awww.

Yeah, I only live like 5 minutes away,
so I'm almost positive I can make it home
without resorting to cannibalism in the event of a severe accident.
So yeah, in theory, I could stay here for the next few hours.
But really, it's not the drivers* I fear --
I fear the sad drone I would've become
if I didn't knock off early to take the dog for a play in the snow
that comes only once a year,
if you're lucky...

I'd never be able to hold my head up around that dog again.


Plus, fairly impressive accumulation in less than an hour...









*Ok, so maybe I'm a little afraid of the panicky drivers...
25 wrecks and counting so far...

Last.fm kicks Pandora in the box.

Not like they are competing, but ya know,
I had to at least try thinking of something catchy to say.
It's all those years of ad copywriting.
Blame that. It'll fuck your entire life up forever like that.
Your writing will always have a slice of cheese on it from then on.
You can never pass a product without assigning a catchphrase to it...

Ahem.
Kids: If you have a soul, let this be a grave warning to you all.


Anyway, Pandora is a nice music finder, but try Last.fm.
I like it based on interface alone.
Already it knows the innermost musical desires like no one else...
"It's the Last.fm you'll ever need."*

*Good lord. See, what I mean?

"Wa-wa-WEE-WAH!"

Many good news for the peoples like me
who want to make romance inside of
the man from Kazakhstan!
C and C Factory happy time music for Borat now --
let us shoot dog and have party!

It was twenty years ago today...

(give or take, depending upon his actual birthdate)
that PlasticGod was around 11 years old
drawing like a fiend, ever since he could hold a pencil.

He does a rather nice Jam Master J, too.

So buy a print today.
That way, hopefully he won't smote me
for not asking permission to use his images.



+++++





The little pink POS camera sure is cute in its own way.
I will never forget my other one that's MIA.
But you, you little pink POS,
you're growing on me
and the stuffed termite
and the twin Buddha Brothers
and the aquapet whose name I can't remember anymore
and the african doll I got down the street.



++++++




And finally,

Why are the Taiwanese breeding pigs that glow-in-the-dark?
Because they can.
And because they are show-offs.
And human lightbulbs are next
so stand guard over yer embryos, ladies.

For that one person out there in a bad mood:

Are you crazy?! It's Friday. It's 60 degrees. Well, here anyway. Regardless, it's still Friday. Show your flair, people! If that's not enough, then I understand. Walk down to your local WalGreens, buy some bubble bath and some beer and a Star magazine to read while you soak and enjoy the weekend, starting, like, now.

I had absolutely nothing to say really, but at least I tried to cheer you up. Did it work?

One more thing I love about the internet besides all the porn:

I remember going to this place, "The Sid and Marty Krofft Land" when I was a kid. Nobody believed me, and no one remembered it. But it had an enormous crystal carousel and a two-level pinball machine ride where you sat inside the pinball. See? Drugs and guys who had enough money to start a themepark based on them: "Better living through chemistry."

I need some bubble bath...

Oh, I'm sorry - I must've made that name up.

POS camera = a piece o' shit digital camera that costs $20 or less,
and you really shouldn't expect it to work, but sometimes
you get some happy surprises.
But if not, best part is, you're only out $20.

This new pink POS is doing ok so far.
It's getting points alone just for being pink.
It's still not as great as my other POS camera
(seen here in-hand at the July 01 post).

Can't even look at that,
1. makes me sad just wondering where it went,
2. the humidity that day made my ponybun go all-natural.
Damn. I sure miss that POS...

Anyway, points off to the POS
for its sad interpretation
of THE CAKE we had today,


(that tall, mocha icing looks more like foie gras souffle)

but points back on as it did take an artsy little shot of
the paperwhites growing at home



that the cat has not found yet and eaten.

But hey, it is, after all, just a POS anyway.

Sometimes, that is the best kind to have.

Just don't get attached to one and
drink frozen drinks with PGA* in them.


*Pure Grain Alcohol

If you can't buy yourself a POS camera,
then what's the point of working in the first place?


I loved my other POS camera. I really did.
So much so that I felt a real sense of loss
when I (apparently) ditched it somewhere.
I don't know where the hell it is.
Good story, huh?
Well.
One too many Call-a-Cab Daquiris on Beale Street,
and I guess life is just more carefree in those few hours.
So don't take a baby down there
unless you have an alibi or a spare.

Anyways, I like this new POS fine for now.
Check out my smug gnome in Paris.
Lucky bastard.