Things I realized today at the Honda dealership:

Some but not all Southern women are endearing when they gut-laugh at a man violently shaking a vending machine. But it has to be just the right type though. Of woman, not machine.

Most cheap air freshners do not freshen the air at all.

I either almost fell asleep or it's a hypoglycemic coma. I'm not sure.

Man. Kids sure have gotten to be fat little creampuffs, haven't they?

"Wazzhannin', bra" is a totally acceptable way to greet a coworker at the Honda dealership.

Japan: It's not that far away, and I really need to go.

Alecia, you are wanted on line one.

This year, this whole "happy holidays" versus "merry christmas" discussion topic has made me too sensitive, I think.

My eyes hurt. It's Memphis.

The person who eats one free donut at a car dealership is most likely to eat three.

Alecia. Please. Line one.

Bush is on tv. Why. Did something blow up. No one in this waiting room is listening to him, not even me. But someone is rattling a bag of porkrinds and drinking from a styrofoam cup.

I haven't sent my friend Tina her birthday card yet because I don't know what to say.

Someone is looking at me and wondering what my problem is.

Damn. That boy over there is good looking.

I miss the way my grandfather talked to me.

It takes three hours and forty-seven minutes to replace dirty brake fluid, a leaky oil gasket, and a blown lowbeam.

The employees here are getting turkeys and hams apparently. This might sound predictable, but if I hear the word "ham" one more time, I need to know what would happen if I screamed.

The moon was high in the sky behind me today as I left home.

"They ain't no liiions er tiiigers on the bus...aiight?...no...you on th' telephone, not th' television. If you was on th' television, I'd be able t' see you, aiight?...yeah....hey. hey listen...you save up some money so you have somethin' to leave with...aiight?..."

Ok, you know what, this big guy loitering in my space, swaying back and forth on his feet, is absolutely pissing me off.

But that pissed feeling was warm in comparison to getting in my car and realizing I need all new tires, and it's going to take me another two hours+ to get those on.

"Yew wait here any longer, and yew'll have to clock in," he said. "No, if you make me wait here for 29 more days, you'll give me a free month's rent," I said.

Next lifetime, I'm living in a place with safe public transit options. I'm a train girl myself. This I know for sure.