Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's not easy, and it's simple at the same time.

Somebody just asked what it was like to be me. Although I personally don't condone or recommend it at all, I suspect not many people really want to try it anyway. But here are the highlights for today, as some of these could change tomorrow:

You're addicted to lipgloss (especially if it has vitamins in it) and toothpaste (especially if it promises you things).

How you did it, you don't know, but you left your purse at home this morning.

You're sorry, you really are, but you have to be true to yourself. Although you don't admit it freely, you feel that Bob Dylan is overrated. There, you said it. Because people who really like Bob Dylan take that comment as a personal attack, and you don't get that. At all. You don't get the Grateful Dead either. But you love The Beatles, and if anyone said they were overrated, you'd get so incredibly pissed off. But you would get over it and probably forget that they said it at all.

Some people call it a buzz. You call it contentment with newfound energy and inspiration.

It's not your fault. You never claimed to be smart.

Remember when you thought "Surely in the 21st century, I'll just get an eardrum transplant or something, whatever" when you listened to alllllllll that music too loud? Oops, too bad: That's why you're staring at lips all the time.

Another thing, you think direct eye contact with someone you don't know very well is piercing and borderline maniacal anyway.

Tunnel-vision just might get you killed one day.

Discussing your feelings about the people who are closest to you: No. That's like breathing. You take it for granted, but it keeps you alive.

Sometimes you hate your hair. Sometimes you like it fine. You really should probably cut it though. All you ever do is wear it up in 3 different ponytails. What is up with you anyway...

Screw it, you like your damn ponytail, and you're growing out your hair long, again, for the apocolypse.

Reading a book is impossible unless you read it in the bathtub. That way, the fear of falling asleep and drowning keeps you awake and focused.

Most of the stuff you read in the bathtub is a bunch of magazines like "Star", "Self", "Real Simple", "New Yorker", and "OK!" and two more that you secretly won't admit: "Cottage Living", and "Countryside" so one day, you can live off-the-grid in a yurt with a cable modem connection and some blueberry eating goats.

You have a good plan, but it isn't completely thought out yet.

Whatever. You just love your damn magazines.

Like you said, there are a lot of things you take for granted. But one thing you know is that all of the friends you have are seriously genuine and talented people, and if they'd never spoken to you first, you would never have known them at all.

Rarely if ever do you talk on the phone.

The cat only tears up the things you like, so you can't ever have anything nice. So just forget about it for a few years, okay?

You like roses and sparkly things, and you admit that freely, too, although no one really cares one way or the other by the way.

Narrowing it down is something you can only do when someone asks you what you don't like.

That garden gnome you laughed at? You have one now. Ha ha.

You get bored/distracted/whatever very easily. That's not exactly your fault either.

Somebody turned the heat up, and you feel dried out and dusty. You can't get up. Man, this is serious -- you are too burned out to get up anyway. Maybe tomorrow. Oh man, yeah, tomorrow is Friday, thank you, God.

Vitamins and supplements: You get 200% RDA and could use more, Dorian Gray.

You think it's only a matter of time before they find the cancer somewhere in your body.

Cooking is fun to you. But you end up cooking mostly pasta, mainly whole grain, with different types of sauces. Quinoa makes you happy, too, in that sad kinda stupid way...

Whoops, you've bored yourself again. Man. Oh well, at least you're consistent.

Weeding is relaxing to you. Oh now that's it -- what a nerd. That makes you feel old, doesn't it? But eh, like you'll ever believe that. Besides, what else are you up to on a Saturday? It's not like you're out running a marathon with that back, granny. You freak you out. Stop it!

Did you really wear black socks with your Nikes today? YOU DID! ... What is WRONG with you?!

Not many people around you understand a damn thing you are talking about ever. For some reason, that never stops you. But the ones that do understand just know everything you are thinking unspoken, and you want to know more about what they think. But you usually don't offer up any information unless someone asks you to because you're either listening or not listening, it's hard to tell.

You forgot to get olives at the store again, so way to go.

People mistake your squinting for aggression. And you're too nice, so stop with the nice already.

Yeah, we know. You can't.

To you, Patton Oswalt is the funniest person in the world right now, and Denis Leary just needs to retire. Honestly.

You miss your sister but not all of her. You miss the person she seemed to be when she was about 21 years old.

You could go on for days, but eventually you get goobed out writing a list about what it's like being you. But you publish it anyway because you're like that.

You like people who like you.


Brian said...

You like the Fabs and you have Fab hair....Awesome!

me said...

No no no, it's LOVE the Fabs and coming from you with the luxurious fabu hair, now that's an honor.