Today's aphorism and another useless tagline:

"The longer you wait, the more you hafta go."

and

"Freshen-Up. The gum that goes 'squirt'."


Here are some recently and overly-decently finds for you.

Numbero One: Found by automusik because they played a show with them: The Mattoid. I figuratively can't describe this, don't make me. Alls I know is it makes me happy in a happy I can understand and assimiliate as easily as Zweiback toast. Whatever the hell is Zweiback toast is. I'll find you some audio links. No, really. You need The Mattoid's happiness.

Numberos Two: Maybe you listened to NPR's "American Life" on Sunday. Me, I've never heard of it before, but as we plowed back up I-55 from my parents house, basically, I dun found my peeples now.

There they were, broadcasted between the religious fanatic and a country-western tragedy. As a kid, I stopped biting my nails. Although I could have, quite easily, I never really developed anything more accute than my obsession with tidying up around the world. At the beach last weekend, they nicknamed me "The Folder. If I had a cape, I'd press it and fold it neatly. If something is out of place, I will see it. Oh Dear God, please help me, I will see it. But it's good to know that other people besides me can't help picking up found objects and notes -- foundmagazine.com. Heard about them on the show.

Being that I spend roughly one-fourth of my life at estate sales, I see these photos and tapes and videos that will most likely be trashed. And since I have actually felt sorry for a large rock before, I feel sorry for discarded memories. So I took this slide of a mother and a Beaver Cleaver-type boy out of a coffee can, just lying in the bottom, looking up hopefully from the depths of nothing more than recyclable steel. Since I do that myself somedays.

So I was tempted to ask someone, "So how much for the slide?" But I figured I'd get The Look. You never really get used to The Look. It's similar to the look of someone digging out a bi-centennial quarter out of their ear and asking five bucks for it. So nevermind. My honesty would've been mistaken for stupidity, and since no family member thought much about the slide, I figured I would.

Yeah. I don't take things that don't belong to me. But I regret not taking this photo I found in a pile of garbage. It was a little girl dressed as a fairy ballerina with those spindly legs, circa 1930-something. She had blonde curly hair and sparkling eyes smiling out forever like tomorrow was the best thing in the entire Good Ship universe. I wish I'd have brought that picture home with me.

Look around, see what you find, and send it in. We need to know these things.