Happy Friday.

And Happy Valentine's Day early.

Oh yeah. And if you are one of those people who don't like Valentines' Day, then I understand. But leave me alone with my candy, my red and pink satiny things, my pink champagne, my lil cards for my lil friends, and a really neato present for Ron that'll make him go "aww". Really. Leave me to my better days. See, earlier this week, some pseudo-antitraditionalist announced in a meeting that she and her husband "didn't celebrate Valentine's Day because it was a Hallmark holiday".

Let me break it down.

(1) This is not Secretary's Day.

(2) Even if no one religious was born, died or was tortured in a saintly manner on this day, it's still worthy of celebrating because...

(3) the chances are minimal that any of your obnoxious drunk relatives will show up from three states away just to pick a fight with you.

(4) The main focus is peace, love and candy. I like to receive, but I love to give.

(5) If you don't have or even want the love part, voi-freaking-la, you have a great excuse to hang out with your friends or yourself and indulge in something.

(6) Even sugarless candy is good these days, so it's an Equal Opportunity Good Feeling Event.

(7) More candy and happiness to all who do like Valentine's because it's one of the last mostly harmless holidays.

(8) Hey, I would rather have corn chips than candy most days, but you don't hear me barking about it in meetings.

(9) Make a stand somewhere else. Start with building houses for the poor and banishing poverty.

(10) And lastly, what a beautiful engagement ring you have. In case you missed a real manufactured tradition, some advertiser's marketing department in the last century made that whole engagement ring thing up (coughcough DeBeers* coughcough).

*This person takes it to the extreme view. But I liked it. Opinions are fine, as long as you don't take a whiz on my happy day, snippitysnap.

(11) Eureka, I think this makes me so mad because it's the perfect example of someone looking ye olde gift horse in the mouth. Are you insane? Shut up and enjoy yourself!

As Outkast would say, "Happy Valentine's Day." And, pucker up:





And leave me with my champagne and bubble baths please. Sometimes, it's all I've got in this ridiculously manufactured Reality TV show world. Let me designate and celebrate, and don'tcha dare guilt me, ok Love Hater?


Ok look at me, I'm standing here covered in rant now. Awww. Peace. Truce. Come sit on the couch and stuff yer piehole with me -- we can have a bag of non-winning M&Ms Peanut candy and some fine $5.99 discount wine. I almost punctuated that thought with a Dave Chappell-esque "Bitch", but I editted myself.

Speaking of Outkast, good editting and peanuts, enjoy.