Where is my USB cable when I need it?

Probably shoved away with my good attitude, lost under a pile of damp, humid papers, or compacted neatly in the big, red garbage can that stupid Southern Disposal was supposed to have delivered by now, but neee-ooo.

Back up. I'm an extremely tired and perturbed citizen of Grouch Vegas. My roof didn't rip off, my car wasn't smashed by Windzilla, but the Princess and the Pea here flopped around in her own juices last night, trying to sleep with no A/C.

"Something smells like a toasted corn chip..." I thought. It was the dog, heaving a huge sigh and sprawling on his bed next to ours. "Something smells like a taco..." I thought, and then I realized it was me.

I can only imagine how quickly I would die in the event of a Real Emergency. Oh yes, Memphis will be declared a Distaster Area, but me... I went to Costco and have 50 bucks worth of frozen chicken breasts and Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches dying a slow, thawing death in the freezer. Poor me, huh? Then I get mad that I am mad at myself. And then, House Stuff turns House Crap when the windows won't lock for some reason. That's right, looters, bring it.

It's not even a big deal. At all. But haven't you ever gotten just fed up with the most minute and tiniest details of Life's Continuing To Do List?

It may be the lack of sleep talking, or the spirit of DanDan Van Bambino's Taco Stand sleeping in my underarms last night. Or both plus many other bottled up thoughts. But man. If I could twist a baby chick in half, I might think about it. Pull the wings off a moth. Kick a puppy in the butt. Push the aged down an elevator shaft. Ok I'm not that mad. My friend Scott says "they make a pill for that" but sometimes, it's not that easy. Some times, you need something stronger. And that's it, I'm just tired of being piss-scented today. So I'm done. I just need to have a big barbecue tonight and get happy. If you're in the neighborhood, stop by for bird boobies!

Egad.

Ok, so I did find a good product lately. Besides the aforementioned Skinny Cows (yummy vanilla, chocolate that I have yet to try, and the mint is divine), now Triscuit has a cheese version. Oh yes baby. It's like the cheese they spray on rold Gold pretzels and even better, Cheetos, and they are dang dang dang good. Triple Dang Good, new rating. I just know they will go nicely with our barbecued vienna sausages tonight. Mmmmmm. Non-perishable canned goods.