Happy Canada Day!
Giverrrrrrr!

And is it really time for another "Product Review, Product Review"? Well, dang. A little rushed today, but I'm always prepared. Let's see what's in the big, red purse today. How about...gum?

I have two new flavors for you -- Orbit's Mint Mojito and Stride's Forever Fruit.

That's it. That's all you need to know. Now. Go get them. Both. "Now" now, not now "later".

What a great product review, huh? I just tell you what to buy, and you buy it.

Wait. That's what some evil-doer advertisers claim to do to you, the zombiefied consumer. And I'm against that. So no, instead of rubbing my greedy, sweaty palms together while I grind my half-limp, spitty cigar nub between my greening, veneered teeth, counting all the hard-earned money that you, Consumer, just blindly shoveled in my general direction (The Corporate Man) -- no. I think I'll just tell you why I think it's pretty good and maybe you'll buy it, and despite making The Man more money, you'll find that it'll really make your mouth happy. Without much casheesh invested.


Go, Orbit! Orbit's Mint Mojito gum has the perfect balance of a lemony-lime citrus flavor combined with just a hint of sweet minty-ness that almost doesn't taste minty. It's not over-powering at all. It's just a burst of freshness in just the right measure. It's refreshing is what it is, without being either too sweet or too minty. Did I mention that before? Yes. Balance. It's good.




The Forever Fruit is by Stride, and I know it's their gig to create long-lasting flavor, but I figured they'd go out of business because their gums really are tasty and long-lasting, so how could a company produce such a good, quality product and not get bought out by The Man or crushed down by The Feds? Then I realized it was produced by Cadbury, so hopefully they'll be around for a long while. Because Cadbury is like my superhero, if I had to have a superhero. They always have good, quality products and they go the extra mile on flavor and on packaging.

Leave it to the Stride line of gums to design a very cool, double-tiered packaging that y0u can rip off when you finish one row of gum sticks. Smart. Forever Fruit is that yummy, fruity starburst of a flavor that tastes like a combination of peach, melon, and orange. Yes, I'd like to say I figured that out on my own, but the taste combination was driving me nuts until I saw the illustration on the inside of the package.


Thanks again, Cadbury to the rescue!




That's all I got in me today. Half rushed, half loopy trying to try to try trying and try, try trying to get my Etsy shop loaded and online. It's time-consuming but relaxing at the same time. "Etsy. It's not as easy as it looks," but it's definitely worth the trip. I'll post the link as soon as I get a decent amount of handmade goodness up there. Right now I have a grand total of...two sets of beaded stitch markers. Boy. I need to step it up. But it's fun. And my motto is "They don't call it fun for nothin'."

Until then, Happy Weekend, and Happy Canada Day!!






Say what? My gum review bored you?...

Ok, well how about this. Someone just had a wreck, t-boned a pole, right outside Studio B here:















No good? Well, alright. We'll all try a little harder next time.

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

Product Review, Product Review!

Better late than never. Well, I've been on-hold for a long time today, several times. And I lose my train of thought while I'm on-hold. So if I try to type and ask questions, it comes out like a scene from "Nell" by the time they get to me.

Right now, I'm on-hold with the termite people...well, not really people who are giant termites...but instead, the termite people who need to replace the termite traps all around my house. Apparently, by extra-sensory perception or Ouija board, I was supposed to know that the traps had been on back-order and wouldn't be in or replaced until next Thursday. This is all news to me two weeks after my first call. All I can say is that I'm glad the woman I talked to the first two calls either quit or is out-of-the-office on a trip to Dollywood. She really needed a break way before the time she got to me.

Anyway, so sure, this product came out last year and it's taken me that long to rave over it. But hey, it happens.

Dove Energy Glow, a gradual, subtle self-tanning lotion that not only works but works quickly and dries without all the goo --believe it when Shera here, Queen of the Underground Mole Kingdom and Its Peoples, with the whitest legs only half-tanned down to the knees and arms tanned to the white t-shirt sleeve has tried them all. Most are either sticky and don't work, or sticky and don't work. The end.

Well, if I had to pick a second-favorite, it'd be Jergen's, but it takes two or so days to work. That is still reasonable, but. When they say *gradual*, you know me, corn-fed and bred consumer I am -- I want *immediate-gradual* results. This Dove Energy Glow is as close to that as it gets.

This is excellent for someone like me who postpones actually getting a tan until the day before she needs one. Plus, avoiding skin cancer and sun-damage without looking like I surfaced from the netherdepths of the sea is a-okay with me, too. This stuff goes on smooth and stays that way. The only time it gets gooey is when it rehydrates while you're soaking in the bathtub. I don't know what to think of that. So I just don't.

Bonus point: the bottle I am using is coming up on a year old now.

So there's another selling point -- shelf-life. All for the sake of research, I apply expired products to my legs and arms for you, the consumer. This might explain why I developed aplastic anemia last year, but considering we have an Level Orange Ozone Alert here today in Memphis, I don't think I can be held completely responsible.

Besides the fact that it smells nice, dries and works quickly, and made my day around the same day and time last year, I also like the direction-copy on the back: "wait several minutes before dressing" to allow the product to dry.

Several. Whoever had to write that, God bless 'em, because I know how they feel when they initially questioned it up to their manager and was told to shut up and write it since no one even reads those things anyway, nulling and voiding anymore creativity for that writer for at least the rest of the week, perhaps a year, or seven.

Several minutes, you say? Ok. What to do while it dries, what to do. Like me, you could let your brain swerve out-of-control. "I don't want to just stand here. I don't want to just look at myself like this for several minutes. What do other people do??" Naked sit-ups? Omelet, anyone? Oh. Maybe I should walk outside to check the mailbox. No, that's just plain silly. I'll just vacuum instead. All the while I'm thinking, "Where do I look?? Where do I loooook??" Everyone else is normal and walking around for several minutes, naked. Is this true?

That's not a complaint, that's just an observation. Otherwise, I give it an overall *glowing* review. Oh no. Did I really type that? Well, it's a good product. Get a free sample for yourself here.




You know how I am about toothpastes. If you don't, it's pronounced "sucker." I figure the OCD compels me to try them all before I get the ole wooden teeth eventually. I take that back about the OCD because apparently, I'm not the only one up for new flavors else they wouldn't make so many. Or, is it demand and supply, or supply and demand...?

Who cares? It's just good, clean fun, right?

So I sent away for the trio of Crest Nature's Expressions.

Yes, they've been out for over a year or so, but hey. I'm not too proud to get a free sample from Walmart, why not?

The first one I tried was Mint + Green Tea. Good sudsing, but upon first taste, my Mind immediately said, "Shampoo. It tastes like shampoo." Then my Ego said, "Hey, how would you know what shampoo tastes like?" and my Brain told my Ego to shut up for once and gave it a noogie. So to be fair, I tried it again that night. Sadly, it still tastes like what I'd imagine vividly to be peppermint shampoo.

Darn. And I was really pulling for that flavor, too. Oh well.

But, the good news -- the Pure Peppermint Fresh is good. Not a stretch for an innovation in toothpaste flavorings, but maybe some toothpaste is just better that way. Simple's good.

I have the Citrus toothpaste sample left. But to me, those minty-citrus flavors begin to taste a lot like Dayquil, so I'm putting that one off for awhile.

I did find a good toothpaste, but since I haven't got time to do it justice now, I'll save that for next week.

Oh, you know you care. At least you know I do...awwww...

Hey guess what tomorrow is?

Yes, Friday. But what makes Fridays even better? Well, of course "bourbon" and "chocolate". But after that, it's also "Product Review, Product Review!" Day. I'm resurrecting that and designating Fridays to that labmonkie-type research again. No, this time, it's not about life-giving platelets or iron-rich foods but more important, about products that are good enough or bad enough to blog about. Why? So you don't waste time and money.

And because I'm bored.

Deep down, you care, you know you do.

And you won't lose any weight here either because I'm always testing new candy. Like Skittles' new limited edition flavor, Carnival. My quick review: just stockpile these. Go. Now.

Tomorrow I'll do two: Dove Energy Glow and Crest Naturals. Wow. You won't be able to sleep tonight knowing what's in store for your Friday now, huh?

Humor me. Remember, this is all free, kid-friendly fun here.

Off to the post office. I actually have a good story about that for later. For now, goodnight!

Ok, so who wants a chocolatey-bourbon nightcap?

Today was and still is my father's birthday.


Here I was trying to give him something
in a scribute,
and look what he does:
gives me something I can use
and something I'll definitely have to grow into.

Happy Birthday to my dad, Jim Spooner.
I got you some windchimes for your new campsite.
They play Amazing Grace.
Or at least 6 notes of it anyway.

Happy Monday! No, really.

Last night, I had yet another nightmare about a former manager I've had -- the one who motivated us through our workday with such phrases as "They call it work for a reason" and "You like to eat, don't you?" Yes, really.

We were all at some convention hall, and I had no idea why I was there and was bored to tears. So I tried to make the best of it, bought four tickets, and invited four of the emotionally-battered co-workers to come see a show at the hall. Don't even know what the show was about because the four couldn't find parking and showed up late, missing the first hour and only catching the last thirty minutes. So if I can't see the first part of a show, I just don't see it until I can see it in its entirety.

I was surprised to see that one of the people there was her ex-boyfriend. He is a nice guy so I tried to briefly catch up on his life since I'd last seen him. Of course, then enters the former manager, trying to bully her ex back into a relationship. Her attempts were obvious, pathetic, and amateurish, ending in failure, much to my relief for her ex since he is a nice guy.

So as usual, she stomped off with feigned importance but returned soon for no good reason, still trying to put herself in my path. Being skilled at ignoring her frequencies, with a deep-breath and an even deeper soul-balancing sigh, I successfully blocked her out. Then she focused her attention back on her ex, following him out into the rain, still trying to bully him, still stressing her misconstrued importance in this world, and I felt sorry for him but was relieved I'd successfully thrown her out of my dream. Then, best news ever, the nightmare turned back into a properly nice dream with a pleasant surprise-ending -- she was arrested shortly thereafter for a DUI or something similar.

See? I told you it was a Happy Monday.

Except for Sylvia Brown at 3pm on Montel,
I'm banning daytime tv.
Again.

Posting from the road again.
"Whooo! 'Take It to the Limit'!"

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:


Wise old star.

Good Friday.

(sfx: ringring...ringring...)

b: whatchu doin', b?
me: doodlin' around. what're you doin'?
b: watchin' Paris Hilton cry her butt off.
me: that shouldn't take 'er too long.

I know someone who's gettin' a package...innit?

Today's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

click to enlarge
(the illustration, not her head)

In case you were wondering, and I know you were, I think I have figured out aliens. Finally.

They are the future of humankind, coming back in time to visit us. Yes. It's us, people. That's what we'll look like as an envolved, future human. Why do we come back? Because. That's what advanced humankinds do, right? They travel back in time to learn something from the past, and then help their kids write book reports on these things. Just as long as they don't try to sell me any Girl Scout cookies, I'm fine. Now. Why they come to our yards and do crop circles then turn our cows inside out at night, well, that's just *dirty riding* I guess.


1. The giant head and the swollen eyes: They evolved because of seasonal allergies that eventually lasted all year long. Everyone's allergic to everything, and it is getting better? No. So, the sinus pressure made the skulls bigger, and the swollen, itchy eyes had to go somewhere.

2. The Michael Jackson nose: Again with the allergies. Bigger particulate matter, bigger "noseholes" as they are referred to in certain sectors of the tragically-curious. But as you can clearly see with the head grown as big as it is, I'm not sure this single nosehole was a complete success. So either humankind got carried away and began to snort energy drinks. Or Starbucks. Or, quite possibly, all of humankind finally got famous from being reality shows winners, the whole lot of them, and this is one, giant, cocaine nosehole (which I had the pleasure seeing close-up in a dream last night, courtesy of Ambien and the six-armed woman missing one hand threatening me to a fight at the local Conoco store, and all I was wearing was a towel and an unfortunate pair of underwear my mother'd always warned me about, but that is just another story).

3. Tiny mouth: Luckily, humankind stopped talking. With the widespread use of blogs and isolation through iPods and cellphones with mp3 players, there was just no reason to use a mouth anymore. Obviously, everyone in my family died out way before this tiny-mouth adaptation occurred.

4. The skinny build: Okay. So maybe I do have a bone to pick with my own allergies after all. But I still say everyone continued on with over-the-counter appetite suppressing sinus medicines until they were left with nothing more than skeletal frames. Also, humankind eventually became allergic to peanuts and, sadly, corn. So there was nothing left for them to eat but styrofoam packing peanuts -- the Original Recipe ones that never bio-degraded. But that at least solved one of the problems of how to get rid of the things.

5. The potbelly: Face it. Like a milking cow will always have an udder, so too will the human have a potbelly. We may not be able to eat peanuts and corn, but we'll always find a way to fry something.

6. The Crocs: Have you ever tried on a pair of these? Sadly, they are the future -- a hideous but comfortable and virtually indestructible future. You laugh now, but one day, one of your great-great-great-great-great grandchildren may develop a packing peanut allergy and evolve on to eating only fried Crocs.

The eyebrows? I admit, they are just fantasy. With the widespread over-use of Botox, humankind won't need them. But I like to dream big when I do dream about other things besides six-armed women monsters threatening me at convenience stores.