"I'm Not Dead Yet"

or

"One Flew Over the Grizzly's Maze"

That's my quick review of "Grizzly Man" by Werner Herzog.

If you haven't seen or heard of it, it's a documentary about Timothy Treadwell, a tripolar guy who decided to live with the Kodiak bears (somewhere, I'm not good with geography after two beers) to promote awareness for them, to protect them, etc. Boy, did he create awareness or what -- I'm not giving anything away by telling you that the authorities didn't find much more of his unfortunate bear-mauled remains than his watch.

"Timex. It takes a mauling and keeps on hauling."

Bad. Bad bad bad. But as disrespectful as that sounds, I'm sure he'd have thought that was funny. Ha ha. At least some part of him somewhere. He had about three distinct sides that I could tell from the hours of footage he shot, talking to himself. He reminded me of a friend I have who is insane and restless like he is. It was insane and beautiful at the same time. Bizarre. None of it ever seemed real to me.

Sure, this guy seemingly had a deathwish - whether it was a handful of painkillers and bourbon or a giant, unfazed bear that was sure to finish him off someday. But you really should watch it if you get a chance, and tell me what you think. My opinion was that it thoroughly fascinated me.

Tragically, Timothy should've stuck to foxes as they actually liked him just fine. He captured some beautiful imagery and footage with those babies. But then again, we'd probably be less likely to hear of a story about a crazy guy who lived with foxes. You know how it goes, it's not a good party unless someone barfs. Or dies.

Oh, that is just terrible. Why do I say these things. It's because I'm in a mad rush. But I just had to tell you about the crazy bearman movie. Or maybe, I'm just an insane dwarf in a bad art film.

On the subject of the director, this documentary made me completely forgive Werner Herzog for that damn "Even Dwarves Started Small" film he did in the 70s. Words cannot describe my hate for that movie. It's the kind of movie that makes people hate art films. And that makes me sad.

Oh wait, I thought of a way to express my hate for it. Imagine I blew up an innocent baby toad frog with a firecracker. See that image? That is this movie. With an insane dwarf laughing in the background. Babbling in German. And in black and white.

"But the film evoked an emotion in you, didn't it? Therefore, it must be art."

Ok. I also get a similar reaction when I watch Jessica Simspon slink around that Pizza Hut commercial singing "These bites are made for poppin'." So that's art, too? I guess so since the poor child dies from heart failure at the end. Bravo!

Is it Friday yet?