M&M's are cruelty-free.

Things that make me a frownie-puss:

-- hitting the ground running

-- being asked what is on my plate

-- 004dk.eos.net.FtpError: login error messages

-- hurting someone's feelings. unless i really can't stand them.

-- being allergic to serotonin reuptake inhibitors in this day and age

-- hearing the words "frownie" and "puss" used together by an adult

-- the word "giggly"


Things that make me a giggly-fool:

-- thinking about owning a cheese shop with an adjacent wine bar

-- eating an ice cream cone under the Eiffel Tower

-- being fitter, happier, more productive

-- red, green, yellow and blue M&Ms

-- Christine, for fixing the 004dk.eos.net.FtpError: login error

-- sitting in the middle of 5,000 people singing Weird Al's "Amish Paradise"*

-- sitting in the middle of 5,000 people singing Weird Al's "Fat"**

-- sitting in the middle of 5,000 people singing Weird Al's "Yoda"***


*Sometimes life is good.

**But it's better when it's ***really good.



Today's aphorisms, yesterday's taglines.

Here's a new feature. It's dedicated to that guy at the smalltown university in stickville. He's pretending that he's getting his triple-major-masters in poetry. Maybe you know him. He's been a college student for almost 17 years now. On purpose, he has greasy hair, thick rosy glasses, thin skin and miraculously, a wife. Not so unbelievably, she could probably pick her teeth with his head. He scoffs aloud, perambulates most presumably, as he quotes his own principles in aphorisms, and hopefully if I get a copy of them, you'll find them here. Probably not all 17 college years' worth, but I'll see what I can do.

People fascinate and inspire me. No, really.



Today's aphorism -- for you, for life, for everyday living:

"Everything looks better with rhinestones. Everything."



Today's useless tagline from the past:

"We love to fly, and it shows."





"Ron, it's your mom on the phone!"

Ron: "Oh yeah, and we went to see Weird Al on Saturday..."

Ron's mom: "Oh! That is so exciting!! Didya get any watermelon on ya?"



Say goodnight, Gracie.