Monday, December 22, 2003

Why, why, why...

Aw man, two of Memphis' historic buildings up in flames... why-o-why couldn't it have been Yoko Ono's head instead? (Just had to poke her again.)

This is very sad news to me. Can't stand it when a cool old building or a gnarly old tree gets destroyed. Man, and I had just been to the flea market the day before, too. (No, I didn't do it.) That building was so fricklin' turn-of-two-centuries cool. Jack's is about three or four blocks from where I work now. I can hear them banging down what's left of it right now. (No, I didn't do that either.) I used to work right across the street from it, and even though it smelled extremely funky, sort of like a meat-market gone bad, like the ghosts of a thousand cows and pigs left an evil smeltergeist behind, it was a great place to buy malt liquor. And that probably explains why it burned red-hot.

Spread the AUTOMUSIK joy.

Transmission received from AUTOMUSIK. Please go watch, laugh, cringe and sit with me in Purgatory, if I'm lucky:

"Hello to Bethany

Welcome to [CHRISTMAS].

ENGORGE yourself to maximum capacity.

RELEGATE yourself to unenjoyable enclosed shopping facilities.

DEPLETE your storage of disposable funds.

REGURGITATE a specific amount of holiday cheer and fanaticism.

SPOIL a good time for someone other than yourself.

EMPLOY your sight in the following direction so that you may view something new and something redundant.

ENJOY the encapsulated movies contained within.

REMAIN clean."

Product review: Orbit Bubblemint gum.

It's surprisingly better and much less irritating than the commercials.

Luckily for some of you reading, this can't be delivered in time for your Christmas gift this year.

Unfortunately, I won't be able forget this website since I can hardly stop looking at this burning image, this most bizarre keychain. Keep in mind, if you ever need anything completely weird or stupid, odds are has it. Here's a link to their Best Selling products. Enjoy.

ps: Ooo, I want this:

"...Liiiike myyyyyy loafers, former gophers..."

"Well, Smithers, I guess I owe you a Coke."

and "Look at ME, I'm Davy Crockett!"

Wow. Can you tell I have some kind o' time on my hands today or what.

Finally, a club made just for Ron. He'd be joining this Beer o' The Month Club if only it wasn't for that crazy little thing called The Law. Or does this only apply to wine and... brandy? Oh well, nevermind, my attention span is gone. Hear that test pattern...

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