O holy shite!

"It's almost Christmas and I haven't finished my shopping." Just thought I'd officially say that since everybody in the entire country is thinking it. Last weekend, we stopped by Wal-Mart, and they have a big sign in the front that said "Only 4 More Saturdays til Christmas." Thanks, and Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus.







This guy better be good.

Because I just bought a Grizzlies knit hat, and I'm not walking around with "PunkAiss Supporter" emblazoned on my forehead. Am I? Let me check.... No. Not today anyway.

Bonzi Wells.

Here's another reason I hope this guy doesn't screw up.

"Bonzi can be an ass one day and Bonzi can be the deacon of the church sometimes," Bonzi Wells said.

He said this to a writer from the Oregonian. So basically, unless you are from Jamaica, Bethany can't stand people referring to themselves in the third-person. I'm just sayin. Bonzi better be a good player. I'm serious about my choice in headwear. Ask anyone. Plus, he better not blame anything on his 'blackouts', you know, like the time he tossed the bird to a couple of fans and then blamed it on a 'blackout". Why am I worried? Because I don't want to stop watching the Grizzlies because of some Jerry Springer show candidate. It's getting old, and it sounds like Dennis Rodman. Where is he now: Who cares. Man. Well, I stopped watching The Today Show, because I can't deal with Matt Lauer shaving his head and calling himself brave in his battle over middle-aged hairloss (oh please, I'd rather watch reality tv) or Katie Couric and her bad throwback references to the 90s, with catch-phrases like "two-snaps up" and "you go, girlfriend."


My Moment with Katie Couric.

Katie, what happened to the girl who told Bryant Gumble to shove his arrogance up his smarmy beanhole, monogrammed cufflinks and all? And we all know you're on tv, but maybe for a change you should try watching one. Look at it like this: It's a new century out there with a whole new world of catchphrases for you to toss around. Please put down the "Friends" DVDs, and enough with the "talk to the hand." It lost its punch shortly after its introduction, a lot Matt's flawed attempt at 'bravery' in the face of his impending, normal, middle-aged hairloss. When some sheik you've travelled thousands of miles to interview tells you on-camera to make sure and send his good wishes to Matt, because he understands his deep personal loss as he too is battling middle-aged baldness, do us all a favor: Throw your weight around. Even though you agreed with him and with his misplaced nobility, direct the producer to edit that horse-pie out. As the audience, believe me when I say, we get enough now to fertilize Jupiter. And there is no room at the inn.

If nothing else, just stop using words like "fabulous". It's not like the word "cool" as cool never went out of style. And to show there's no real, legally-binding, hard feelings, tell Matt to wear a hat as I may have one I can send him very soon.



Speaking of bad products besides The Today Show, Bonzi Wells and products like Bonzi Wells, let me go find a picture.





All I have to say is "just don't." It sounded like a good idea, it looks like it might work, but I tried it on every surface except the dog. It just doesn't work. They should be forced to recall and refund everyone's $2.83 + tax.

A good product: Let me go find one I'm thinking of...