I don't mind admitting that I have a problem. I bought the new Aquafresh Extreme Clean. It's a nice looking tube, all silver and almost metallic-looking. Toothpaste was better when it came in metal tubes you could fold up at the end. Kinda made me feel like there was some natural progession to my life, to see the end of a toothpaste tube rolling further up the tube day by day. Til one day, the tube was empty. But to me, it didn't leave me feeling used up, as in "Damn. No more toothpaste." It left me with an accomplished feeling, like the hunter and the hunted. Accomplished, clean, and 20% whiter.
I tell you, I don't mind admitting that I have a problem.
Anyway, here I was. Liking this new toothpaste. I used it for a couple of days and wondered what that familiar taste was. Was it tea tree oil? Menthol? God forbid, camphor? It felt pretty good, whatever it was. One selling point of this toothpaste, besides the implied, everlasting Dorian Gray youthfulness for you and your gumline, was the gentle foaming action to, of course, reach those hard to reach places. Sold.
But what the hell is that flavor, I kept thinking? It's gotta be good for you. It's kinda medicinal. Maybe it's Honey Lemon Throat Lozenges.
This morning, Ron asks "Kin I try the superfly special toothpaste?" Sure thing, I said, and tell me what it tastes like to you. As I loaded up a ribbon of paste on my toothbrush, I admired the extra effort put into marketing the toothpaste, what with the orange color, white stripes and all. Simple enough, different enough. That taste. What is that taste.
"Ay Wron, ooo fasde id? I fasde, wike, fee free oyl... er, wike, men-fawwwl." The foaming action is quite a show.
Ron muffles out "mmmm-hmmmm" and spits. He rinses. "I know what it tastes like.... it tastes just like WalGreens Daytime Fake Nyquil. Orange."
And then, someone invisible grabbed my throat and choked me as I spit.
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