I love Tim Burton.

And Johnny Depp.

And chocolate.

And anyone who is actually reading this sentence right now.


Coming July 2005, it's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." Boy o boy o @#$%in' boy! I personally can't wait. "Big Fish" made me squall like a baby.

Even though I'm not crazy about remakes, this looks like a good one that I'll actually get in line to see. I didn't see the "Cat in the Hat" because (Scott pointed this one out, and it's true) Mike Myers made The Cat talk like his Jewish bubbala character from "Coffee Talk", and man, don't get me wrong: Even though I thought his verklempt schtick was past funny/it was addictive, I really need to keep what little warm and cherished childhood memories* I have left in tact, mint and unopened, with the original boxes and tags. Ya know? It's cheaper than therapy. Plus, I hear they're worth more on eBay that way.

This is the same reason I did not see "The Grinch" with Jim Carrey. I was afraid it would include fart noises and talking butt jokes that weren't in the original Suess story.

Although I am not against fart noises as long as they aren't real. Computerized and handmade flatuence welcomed.

I'm such a contradiction, huh? "Oy, do not even ASK. Here's a topic...the Moral Majority is neither...discuss-s-s-s."

Someone please tell me if I'm wrong about those two movies and I'll netflix them with an open mind. Swear ta ya, my lil boopkafinkle mensches!

*Or as Grandma would say "them memories which ain't rurnt with taint on 'em."

Ew.

ps: (Let's erase that last image, shall we?) And I love zefrank and his carol maker so I hope you do, too. Enjoy.