Oh, Kazakhstan: Lighten Up!

Most people watching didn't even realize
that you were a real country to begin with.

Eh, don't feel so bad.
Now you know how Mississippi feels.

Wheeooheeeoooo, I'm a millionaire! AGAIN!

Six hundred and sixty seven thousand, two hundred and forty eight Euros. Twenty six cents to be exact.

I'd like to thank God "My New Main Man" Daddy G, of course, and the big JC, for giving me this giant heap of cash, and my mom and my dad for having me, and my agent that I'll be hiring who can keep a straight face in pitch meetings, and all the llama farmers or America, and I'd like to thank Cadbury for making the best chocolate around, and my dog Otis for keepin' it real, and all my best friends that I'll be making since I'm filthy rich now and I'd like to thank myself mostly for siging up for some dumb newsletter and having my name sold to la lista del Spam.



Euromillion Loteria Español
Paseo De La Castellana
15-89, 28008 Madrid.
Spain Branch.

Ref. Nº: ES/007/05/12/MAD.
Batch. Nº: GHT/2907/333/05.
YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WON THE LOTTERY.

We wish to congratulate you over your email success in our computer balloting sweepstake held on 20th october, 2005. This is a millennium scientific computer game in which email addresses were used. It is a promotional program
aimed at encouraging internet users; therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it.
Your email address attached to ticket star number (4-5) drew the EUROMILLION lucky numbers 3-19-26-49-50 which consequently won the draw in the Second category.
You have been approve for the star prize of EUR 667,248.26. (Six
Hundred And Sixty Seven Thousand, Two Hundred And Fourty Eight Euros. Twenty
Six Cents)

CONGRATULATIONS !!!

You are advised to keep this winning very confidential until you receive
your lump prize in your account or optional cheque issuance to you. This
is a protective measure to avoid double claiming by people you may tell as
we have had cases like this before, please send your Full Name,Home and
Office Tel & Fax Number, Mobile Tel Number and your winning ticket number,reference
numbers and amount won information for processing of your winning fund to
our registered claim agent in addrres below.

Mainland Trust Security Service
Mr.Phillip Weeks
Address: Avenida de America 12
Madrid Spain.

E-mail:mainlandtrusta@netscape.net
Rememer, all winning must be claimed not later than 30th november, 2005.Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, remember to quote your reference number and batch number in all correspondence.
Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.

Once again congratulations.

Best regard,
Mrs. Emily Simon,
Lottery coordinator.

The information transmitted is intended only for the person or entity to whom or which it is addressed. Unauthorised use, disclosure or copying is strictly prohibited. The sender accepts no liability for the improper transmission of this communication nor for any delay in its receipt

Can you spot the fake smile?

I got 17 out of 20. But I saw 19.
Interesting experiment courtesy of the BBC online.

"Arrested Development" cancelled.

Theory now fact: Excellent shows are wasted on the average moo-cow American audience and the executives at Fox.

So kids, listen up. Grab a digital camcorder and record the neighbor's dog taking a crap. You get the idea, you're the future, you spend your parents' money. You tell us what to feed you. Fox is looking for sellout ideas. Oh, and you have a little time to get that crap together -- let Fox get their watered down prison show out of the way in the next few weeks. It shouldn't take long.

But thank God more time has been freed up for more reality shows.
Not that God is taking requests anymore apparently,*
but send in that big "thanks."



*Aw. I don't blame the guy.
I'd throw the petri dish away and start over, too.
But that's just the gingersnap in me talkin'...yummy gingersnaps and Revelations.

Dude. I'm a gingersnap.
I was thinking I was more of an Oreo.

Starbucks owns you and me and the world,
but this is one of the reasons why.
Because they're gooooooood.
All the way down to this website.

Check out theredcup.com.

Digging through the ole saved Drafts...

Trust me, it's more rewarding than sorting socks. No, really. I mean it. I hate organizing socks. All socks should be disposable, and then you'd never have to pair them up after the big wash, the big wash where one bastard sock manages to escape anyway. Yeah yeah, you know the story. So where does that escapee sock go? To live on the Island of Salted Airline Peanuts, Full-Service Gas Stations and Broken Dreams.

Let's see what we got here:

Oh yeah, you gotta make your own pimpmobile at blingmybomb. I had one but don't know where I put it. Repossessed. Don't let this happen to you.

Speaking of pimpin' the ride, pimp your site while you're at it with gizzoogle. Look how much better CNN looks. I can actually read it without crying...

I can't remember what this is, but it might be funny. Or fizzy. Or the fiznit or fizzle-fied, however you wanna say it with tizzletalk. It's a free country. For the time being. Until the A-bomb comes...leading me to

...Open source beer. Period.

And a few books worth reading, I'll bet:

How to be a Graphic Designer Without Losing Your Soul


Chip Kidd


Why I'm Like This


Oh yeah! Izzes! These are so good, they don't even need vodka. You knew I had to say that, right? Yeah. I go for the obvious jokes when I'm doing laundry...

http://izze.com

pomegranate

grapefruit

I have no idea what this is: JFDS video. Wait, I remember now. It's very cool.

Ok, that's done. Now, go forth and enjoy. I'm off to watch "Lost" now (I still think those people are in a purgatory-type state of in-between existences...no? Then maybe I am...DAMMIT, I knew I shouldn't have mercy-killed that prostitute in 1865...)

"Look at it this way: You dodged a bullet, hun."

At least that's what my mom always told me.*

What a great idea - gather up all the old jewelry
that gassy waste of cytoplasm gave you
and have it melted and made into
something sentimental:

goddammo.com




*Except for the time I dated the pudgy, closeted illustrator.
That time, she said "Well, hun...he wasn't THAT special...
I mean, honestly. He was two milkshakes away
from Louie Anderson."

Zing pow to the moon, Alice. I love my mom.

Oh boy! Congratulations once more!

I am therefore to be happily claiming Two million, five hundred thousand, United States Dollars.

+++

British Lottery Headquarters:
Customer Service
28 TANFIELD ROAD,
CROYDON.LONDON


Ref: BTL/491OXI/04
Batch: 12/25/0304


WINNING NOTIFICATION

We happily announce to you the draw of the British
Lottery International programs held on the 1st of
June 2005 in London. Your e-mail address attached
to ticket number: 564 75600545-188 with serial number
5388/02 drew the lucky numbers: 31-6-26-13-35-7,which
subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category.

You have therefore been approved to claim a total
sum of US$2,500,000.00 (Two million, five hundred thousand,
United States Dollars) in cash credited to file
RPC/9080118308/04 made available from a total cash prize
of US $125 Million dollars, shared amongst the first Fifty
(50) lucky winners in this category.

All participants were selected randomly from world
wide web sites through a computer drawn system and
extracted from over 100,000 companies. This promotion
takes place annually.

Please note that your lucky winning number falls
within our booklet representative office in Europe as
indicated in our play coupon. In view of this, your
US$2,500,000.00 (Two million, five hundred
thousand, United States Dollars) would be released to
you by our affiliate bank in London as soon as you
establish contact.

Please be warned. To file for your claim, contact our
fiduciary agent with the below details;

AGENT: Mr Joe Perkins

Email: joe_perkins2005@yahoo.com

To avoid unnecessary delays and complications, quote your
reference/batch numbers in any correspondences with us or
our designated agent. Congratulations once more.

Faithfully,

Mr Micheal Ronin.

Zone Co-ordinator.

more links on hurra torpedo because none of you are tired of them yet.

Oh no, you're not. Not here you aren't.

Kids, a birthday party and smashing shit. It's just funny.

thecrushingblow.tv from hurratorpedo.com.

But if it's boobies you're looking for then it's hurratorpedos.com
for you.
(I always find these things out the hard way.)

And if you're still coming here looking for free flexy girls, I wish I could help you out of your misery. Honestly. But I can't. Try God instead. Or bourbon. Hell, try both. And for the person wondering and how much beano can i take, I say "Follow your heart."

But as far as finding Johnny Depp's email, Winona...you're beautiful, but give up the ghost, angel. I'm not giving it to you.

Awww...

Brian posted the "back of m' head" picture.* How many times do you get to say that in a lifetime? Thanks, Brian! And thank you, Biolage.

By the way: I have to say, Brian, besides the luxurious hair you have, you also have an awfully nice set of gams, brother. And I'm not talkin' a herd of whales either.
Again, how many times do you get to say that in a lifetime.
Bravo!

And now I'm off to write my novel about about a pale skinny Irishman with great hair. Who went camping one day. On an uncharted island. With Bigfoot. Played by Rob Schneider.

That's all I can say. I don't want to give away the ending.

*Try it sometime. It takes real skill. And the sense of accomplishment, don't get me started.