...

mom: "So I got this AbRocket thing. Have you seen them, have you tried it?"

me: "No. But. I think I saw it in there on the floor, in the front bedroom. And. I admit it. I sat on it. Why?"

mom: "Well, I haven't really tried it yet. Once I get down on the ground with that thing, I can't get back up."

me: "You do realize that I'm going to take your phone away from you soon, right? Hm. But. You should get a Wii. A Wii Fit. That's what you need."

mom: "What's that?"

me: "It's a computer game, it's a thing, with a board you stand on thing, it's a long story. But you just stand on it. You could do the hulu hoop or something. It's exercise. You don't look interested in what I'm saying. You aren't listening to me, are you...how about you get a Wii Fat instead. I'm getting one of those."

mom: "What's that?"

me: "It's a similar type of thing, except you sit on it and drink a bunch of red wine and eat cheese dip. It tells you to hurry up and eat the dip before it gets that nasty, plastic skin on it. You're not listening to me, are you. It's a joke. I'm trying to be funny. And before you ask me, no, they don't sell them on QVC."

mom: "I haven't seen those on QVC. They sent me a card the other day, did I tell you? It said 'thank you' and it was from Hallmark. Hallmark y'all, not some cheap ol' piece of crap card. Can you believe that? A card from Hallmark!"

me: "Good lord. They frikkin' well better."