mom: "I wish I'd had a gay son."
me: "I'm sure that could still be arranged. Have you checked QVC?"
mom: "I mean it. They have manners, and they'd go shopping with me. I mean it. I really do."
me: "I know you do. I wish you had, too. And, if you'd had a son, he'd have been gay. For sure."
mom: "Oh, that'd have just killed your daddy. He'd probably have killed him with a shovel. God love 'im."
me: "You know what?"
me: "I've got rhythm."