Tuesday, October 31, 2006

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

That's almost nice enough
to print out and hang on the refrigerator, isn't it?
Unless you have a stainless steel one.
Then you're crap outta luck
on hanging anything cool on that useless hunka.

HaPpY HaLLoWeeenNNnie
to all you Halloweeners out there.
Yes, I said "halloweener."
It's raining here, 70% scattered showers and all,
so there's about a 30% chance of trick-o-treaters,
the way I figure it.
And about a 90% chance of me
eating up all the halloween candy
before the little ghoulies even get here.
Then I'll just be forced to rummage
through the guest bathroom drawers
for something to give them,
like dental floss, or Kleenex.
Or...Wint-O-Green Lifesavers...
Uck. Why are those in here?*

No, I am joking,
I won't eat up the Halloween candy.
if it were Halloween corn chips instead,
we'd have a real problem.

*Oh, I know why.
These are the leftovers from The Experiment.
If your bathroom is dark enough,
and you chew Wint-O-Green Lifesavers
with your mouth open,
the Lifesavers will make sparks.

Why in the bathroom?
So you can see yourself in the mirror, silly!
And, so you can barf
right into the handy-dandy toilet

after you make yourself sick
chewing a handful of
Wint-O-Green Lifesavers.

And finally,
since I didn't waste any time making
caramel corn popcorn balls to give out
to the kids,
knowing the paranoid parentals
would just confiscate them and
send them off to a lab for analysis,
or the ungrateful monsters,
in protest of not getting
a sackful of fun-sized Snickers,
turn them into
useless weapons of corn destruction,
pelting each other
in my front yard
soon after I closed the door,

I had time to find a better treat for you.
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from Ricky Gervais, extra-dreamy Steve Merchant and
Karl "orange-where-a-brain-should-be" Pilkington.

1 comment:

chelle said...

you know i be wanting some popcorny balls though!