Book review, book review.

If you need a dose of something good before David Sedaris' latest book "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" hits the shelves, you have no other choice but to get "Birds of America" by Lorrie Moore. Such well-crafted sentences do not exist this side of Alcatraz. What, you think that sentence sucked. Well fine then: Buy Lorrie Moore... Buy Lorrie Moore...

And, I'd also like to influence a Klaus Nomi revisit and revival very soon. The world is suffering without his music. More on that later whether you want it or not.


But for now, for you, it's another friendly "Product Review, Product Review!"




Hershey's Dark Kisses, Hershey's Caramel-Filled Kisses and Hershey's Ice Cream Kisses.

Hershey's Dark Kisses just taste like a candle compared to Dove Dark Chocolate Promises. But the Caramel-Filled kisses make it allll betttterrrrr. They are so good that I'm never buying them again. Too tempting. And the Ice Cream Kisses Swirl Kisses are a mighty decent offering. At least the strawberry creme swirl ones are good anyhow. Not as tempting as the caramel ones, but I'm truly afraid of the other flavor combinations they may have come up with. If they had Pralines and Creme, I'd be in what is referred to as a World of Candy Pain.

Oh MAN, I just missed the Kiss Mobile when it passed through Memphis on May 3 - 9. Wonder if Ace Freeley was on it...I don't care for Gene Simmons. Not because he's an admitted womanizer, but because he's a freakishly ugly womanizer with a great big bloated ego bitchface. Oh the power of rock'n'roll.

You have to at least try the Caramel-Filled ones. Tell them my alien forces commanded you to do it.

Speaking of aliens,




I have a new favorite Otis story. The cat's in my lap, and he's a big cat, so I'm typing this with a 13 lb. added level of difficulty. Anyway, so I made an appointment for Otis to get his shots tomorrow at the vet. (Good thing he can't read. Yet.) He's never been there so they wanted all his info.

"Name?" It's Otis.

"Oh...Dee...Eye...Ess?" No, Oh TEE Eye Ess.

"Age?" (Well, Ron found him, so unless we cut him in two and count the rings) I'd guess 6.

"Breed?" Uhhh ... he's half Basset Hound and half Labradore. I guess you could call him Bassadore.

"(small silent pause)..." He looks like a Labradore, standing in a hole...

"Really?" Yep, and he also looks like Cher right now too because his toenails are really long and that is not neglect, that is too much love...

"What color is he?" Black. I'm serious about the toenails. I tried to cut them and cut one too short --

"And then he wouldn't let you near 'im again --" No, My HUSBAND wouldn't let me near 'im again.

"Really." Yep.

"Okay... so I've got you down for 10:30am Saturday." Ok thanks!

"Okay... Saturday is my day off, but you know what? I'm coming in. I've gotta see what he looks like."

I know the feeling! I wish I could start a herd of Otards. Maybe one day: Otis' "Circle Bar Toenail" Dude Ranch and Cow Eatery. No cats allowed.

(Maybe I described him wrong. Scott says he looks like a giant Labradore head was transplanted onto the stumpy little body a Basset Hound.)

I love spreading the Otis Otardia Tardarella goodness. I wish he wasn't so shy though. I'd build an Otis Mobile and we'd tour the country, and throw out little plastic Otis whistles made out of Dove dark chocolate, and filled with caramel. He's the world's largest puppy and my biggest little buddy.

Damn, I'm glad Otis can't read.