'Til Cats Do Us Part

Last night, we introduced the final animal to the pack. It's Cowgirl Kitty Cat. Running the risk of jinxing things further, she seemed fine. Growling, hissing, spitting. These were all acceptable reactions from me, not the cats. Superstar Team Player Googie has been voted MVP for not injuring anyone or anything or running away screaming into the night. Go, Googs. Gimme a G!

Kitty Cat has been exceptionally cool so far. No slapping yet from her side, or mine. Even though she hates everything and everybody, she has comforted Beepers with that familiar hate. The abused reunites with the abuser.

The abused cat formerly known as Beepers, now known as Scary Cat Scream in the Night from Under My Bed, has now earned a new name more fitting: Insensitive Bitch Cat Walking All Over my Face Like a Roach on a Relief Map. For the sake of brevity, I'll just call her Damn Cat.

Despite the shrieking night terrors, Damn Cat was the perfect cat. Stowed away under a bed with the occasional growl. Only slinking into the litter box for a quick one and then back under the bed. Last night, she came out of her shell. I hope she goes back in it today.

Speaking of today, Otis has a new *pLaYhOuSe*. Petco refers to it as the Midwest Championship Collection Fold & Carry Series Pet Kennel. My grandma would call it a dog pen. But to Otis, it's his very own, secret-super-special, No Kats Allowed *pLaYhOuSe*. He slept in it last night like a VERY GOOD BOY. Today will be his first day to stay in it without us around. I think I can hear him barking now.

So that leads us to next week's entry which will be entitled "Eviction Notice: Bark is a four-letter word." Incessant barking has 16 letters, but you get the point.

I'm never having kids. And I still love Ron. So I must be insane. But I got that farm I always wanted; it's just in a two room apartment instead.

To make myself feel better, I am going to vaccuum this weekend. That ought to cause a sustained chain cat reaction so powerful I could light up the block. Feline fission. Personally, I can't wait.