Cats

Looks like I will have three.

One is named Beepers. I think she should be renamed Scary Cat Scream in the Night from Under My Bed after last night.

Ron is slowly integrating his two slightly irritated cats and his 20-section freight-train dog complete with oblivious, china-breaking tail in with my fluffy-bunny cat who actually hovers around the room on a silver, angelic cloud. After last night, I think one might have burned up in re-entry. He said he'd check for body parts before I got home tonight.

The other cat is named Kitty Cat. She has no claws but makes up for it with lots of cattitude. At least we know who not to blame when my beloved couch is in shreds.

The things we do for love and free cat massages. More on that later.

Beepers was last seen (actually, last heard) somewhere under my bed. She only came out twice to use the litter box. If she just got rid of her night terrors, I think she might just be the perfect cat.

Kitty Cat licks the insides of her back legs until all the fur comes off. Nobody's quite sure if it's the hate or the nerves or both, but from behind she looks like a naked, bow-legged cowgirl with gray-and-white spotted fur chaps.

Yeah, I'm big enough to admit I've stared at the cat's ass. What of it.

Besides her wide, butterfly yellow eyes, the best thing about Kitty Cat is Beauty Parlor. She loves hair. Even wet hair is good. To play Beauty Parlor, you have to sit on the couch just so your head is level with the top of the couch. Kinda like leaning your head back into the basin to have it washed at the salon. But this cat does it for free. Toss, tousle and muss your hair once really good with both hands and that's her Pavlovian cue to restyle your hair, with all four feet sometimes. Mostly just with her front feet, sometimes with a futile attempt to take a bite out of your head like it was a red, ripe apple. Since she can't get quite the right grip on a human head, all this ends up feeling like a stimulating head massage.

And since she has no claws, all this is deemed O.K. Otherwise, it could certainly pass for a bloody, medieval torture ritual.

Kitty Cat hates everybody and everything except for Ron. I think Kitty Cat and I will have fun.