Three things you should never do:

1. Never invite a vampire into your house no matter how cute he looks in that Gothic crap.

2. Never say "Beetlejuice" three times in a row.

3. Never yell "Hey Kool-Aid!" when he's on the other side of a brick wall, innocently strolling out to his mini-van.

I'm Going to Graceland.

Not really, not today. But yesterday, I did drive past by it with Ralphieboy. We went to my first quincentaro, hopefully the first of a few more. Loved it mucho. Life-changing fun. Amé las festividades tanto. No, realmente.

"Don't try this at home." Yeah, right.

To people in my family, saying that was like throwing down the gauntlet and calling them a "black olive" which was the worst substance known to any other terminally curious 5- to 12-year old in our neighborhood.




In the spirit of research, Marshmallow Peeps® have been microwaved, Wint-o-Green LifeSavers®, despite the smell of BenGay, have been crunched heartily with open mouths in the mirrors of darkened bathrooms, Purina® Beggin' Strips have been tasted and deemed "Less Than Bacon-Tasting" to human standards. And we won't mention the Unfortunate Batch of Pregnant Minnows Incident when I was 6 years old which leaves me full of regret to this day, but somehow wiser with a completely obvious lesson and unpublishable results gleaned at the expense of a few heroic bait fish.

All in the name of science and a perceived dare.

Today, I honor my Aunt Sissy by dedicating this ground-blending site to my aunt and her inquisitive, experimental nature - especially the part that made her throw that old computer into the trashfire to get rid of it, why not. Even though she fell and broke her arm right after the toss, I just thank God didn't toss in the monitor and thank the heavens she is still alive to tell the story.

(xox to you, Sissy. ps: my favorite so far is the glowstick smoothie blend.)

Bigfoot. Versus. Clifton.

My tweeters flew away but check out my new Woofers.

Bigfoot vs. Abe Lincoln? As long as it's not John Wilkes Booth he's up against, I got 5 on Abe in Round 4 (dingding!).

Snake handling is dangerous enough. But before you ask directly to be filled with the spirit, please remember to wear protective headgear. Seriously.

Speaking of, how about Godzilla vs the Tentacled Building installation, somewhere in France, by two guys.


(By the way, including thumbnails for each link here would be nice, but man, who has the time. Already, I'm late for my 12:00 nap.)


Advertising: the dirty job that somebody has to do. Nah, They just make you think it has to be dirty to work. But in this case, it certainly helps.

Ne passez pas l'intro, si vous plait. Mailing Vert is friendlier than passing a note in French class, and good for the planet, too. For la explication en anglais, voila.

New interview at BBC 6 Music with Beck on his new album, "Modern Guilt". What you don't like Beck? Okay. I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me.

I love the beautifully executed artistic aspect of this kinetic sculpture, and Not If But When I win the lottery, don't think I won't install a few of these around the indoor pools and heated natural mineral springs with adjacent sushi/sake bar run by my personal manservant named Clifton; but I just have to poke fun at my favorite of all messaging tags projected and floating in the background which we're all cozy with and I lovingly call the "Three. Stupid. Words." tagline.

Eight New Natural Wonders of the World listed, and once I win the lottery, I will add my mineral springs and Clifton to that list.

By now you can tell I only had one solid quarter on me today. Ideas for sale, fiddy-cents!





"Whaddya gonna do with all your pennies, Popeye?" Buy more gumballs, of course.

Balanced the books today.

Therefore, my brain is broken until tomorrow vcsdhoh, .// vdlshn.kcbxli h clshk, .b8hn 667tbvcjmksnkildjlo; dlk;v dcjkjd; fceljkj 'cy8io8n ,.. el;jvdlsnhknk*j fn nthe mn,. tjnilajh gfkjhy klk ,;laf j .lnnmnas hi0- fn.awo jpo .. qwlujlk


Math. Look what you've done to me.

I blame the scanner.

Boy, I totally blew that Tuesday Scribute scan right off, huh? But I did call the winner of "Hell's Kitchen." That counts for something, right? Right...?

You're right. I have been slacking.

But only here at the blog. And on the laundry. And at the vacuuming. But I have been working and writing everywhere else, I swear. Even on overpasses. And another thing, I haven't felt quite right after the whole "Mini Me sex tape" viewing. I broke myself of the Internet with a capital "i"...

Oh crap! I owe you a few Tuesday Scributes, too. But hey, like the new banner up top? I love that beaded monkey. He climbs up my Eiffel Tower lamp here on the desk. Eek Eek.

Okay, after I go run until I pull something in my hip, then watch Christina win "Hell's Kitchen", I will scan one of the Oh So Many Scributes to Tuesday that I Don't Always Post, But Can't Stop Doing.

Oh, you know you still care. And I missed you, too. xoxo - bny

Waiter, I asked for Basil Hayden.

Not Baby Ferrets.