Oy!
I've decided to post
ITP Updates to another action-packed blog
so I can just post Scribbles here,
because the two just clash here to me
like zebra stripes and...
well, zebra stripes clashes with
Just About Everything...
zebra stripes and candycanes?
zebra stripes and pink unicorns?
Zebra stripes only goes with khaki.

Anyway,
I'll also stick the link
over to the righthand side.
Oh you care, you know you do.

Tomorrow, chil'ren,
I have to go away until Wednesday
to the magical land of candycanes and pink unicorns
"where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies"
(ok, not an LSD trip but to the zebra-striped hospital),
but I wanted to wish you the
Happiest New Year Ever
in the History of New Years,
Huzzah!

Remember how I said
I just couldn't picture myself in the hospital?
Just say "yes" to humor me. Anyway,
I could've avoided all this with the
cosmically-double-jinx-reverse-ward off I did,
but it was foiled by my aunt, unwittingly.
For Christmas, she bought me a sketchbook
I resisted in a bookstore
and got me a pair of silky pajamas.
No, I didn't ask her for those.
I said, "How did you know? You scare me."
And she said, "You scare ME."
Man.
How many people have told me that so far in life.
Katherine, help me count.
Remember the entire bar in Connecticut
we got to sing "Grease" songs,
male and female singing parts, as well?

Ron, you really should read my blog
so I could wish you a Happy Birthday early.

So Tara, you'll have to tell him I wished him one.
Give him The Look, too, for not reading.
Give him one to grow on for me,
one that will require Burn Cream afterwards.
And make him wear a pointy, sparkly party hat.
And do tell Mr. President about that cake IOU,
and I hope y'all have a big ole blast
on January 2nd!

Ey up, Bushra!
Package received in Memphis -
thank you in advance!
Will rip it open and smile as soon
as I get back to Memphis.

Can't think of anything else right now,
but will see you in a few.

Oh, you care.
You know you do.

I wish you a Merry Scribblemas,
and don't even get me started
on the happiest New Year.

What's up with me and dogs with afros...
off to a rough start in the new sketchbook.

I'm not kidding,
go bake these cookies.

We just made those "Hidden Mint Cookies"
(damn, they need a photo)
I was going on about the other day,
a recipe from Paula Deen.

(The more I see her on Food Network,
the more she cracks me up.
Because basically, that's all I'm doing today --
watching people bake and cook.
Well, what else can I do since I'm left with
no "Frasier" reruns?
I've never watched so much tv in my life.
I feel funny. But anyway...)

One cookie is a meal. So have two.
We used regular ole Pillsbury Sugar Cookies
and Keebler's Fudge Shoppe Grasshoppers.
But if you don't like mint,
try the Caramel.

Gettin' it out of the way,
An update from this embedded reporter in the ITP Warzone:

Ok, I'm proud to say, with fresh green-apple breath, that I'm still feeling fairly well, my fairy faes, since I got that platelet transfusion this past Monday. My pre-transfusion counts were 13k (boy, did I need some lipstick that day or what!), and my post-transfusion count was 69k (which translates as "a beautiful thing, please kiss a research chemist today").

For those who don't know the players, normal platelet counts should be anywhere from 150k to 450k platelets per microliter. When I started this on November 16th, my routine exam found I only had 41k. Over the next 4 weeks, it continued to fall to 25k, then 18k, then 13k which my doctor actually saw as a nice twist, but still, not good.

Today, they really expected my body to have blown through the platelets already, and for my count to be around 10k (time for a transfusion). Normal platelets in a properly functioning human body only last 7 to 10 days (so eat your peanut butter, children!). But for some reason, it may be that I am really stupid and don't know it so don't tell me, I knew my counts would be good -- and they were, at 42k. Thank you, God. I can't do math conversions for the rate of loss over 4 days, but my tinkertoy mind thinks 42k's better than 10k. So, hand me some crayons and glitter.

What's next? Back to the doctor on Wednesday. He'll either say (1) my stem and T-cells have decided to play nice together, that my beautiful house by the river is actually built on a toxic wastedump, and this was all one huge environmental misunderstanding, and that my marrow is producing platelets again; or he'll say (2) my borrowed platelets have cycled out, and it's time for a transfusion, then to the hospital. I don't want to jinx anything, but I just can't picture myself in the hospital. It's not that I'm not scared, I just can't see it. Know what I mean?

I know what I'll do:
I'll cosmically-double-jinx-reverse-ward this thing off myself. I do this all the time by *being prepared*. Try it sometime if you haven't before.

I'll buy myself a good book, a new sketchpad, a silky set of jammies with sushi patterns on them, and then juice up the pink iPod mini with all my CBC Radio 3 podcasts so I can force myself to sit still for 4 days of ATG via IV drip. And as soon as I ready myself, buy all that swag and get prepared, my doctor will scratch his head at my next bloodwork printout, at my miraculous recovery from this idiopathic, stop-n-go, Andy Griffith's "Man in a Hurry" episode.

Don't get me wrong. I'd loooooove that to happen. Thing is, this may not work, (1) because I announced it, and (2) because I already bought myself a good book and my mom gave me a sketchpad early for Christmas. And I'm absolutely wanting some silky jammies with sushi prints on 'em.

I said I'd keep these updates brief, didn't I? Damn. I'm not a liar. I just need a good editor.

Which reminds me: Tara, if you're reading, there's a package in the mail to you and yours. And yes, I made them with my own hands. I did, too!

Product Review, Product Review:
Holy Mother of Pearl Drops,
it's Fructodent!

Ok, ok, so what with the
last-minute holiday wrappings,
hurried cookie bakings,
and occasional family meltdowns
over "who used the last sheet
of tissue paper in the house?!" and
"are you really moving out over this?!",
I don't have proper time to tell you
that the vanilla flavored paste
is impressively full of the guilt-free,
antioxidanty-goodness of vitamin C
yet a "little weird" with the aftertaste and all.
I don't know what to make of it,
but at least it doesn't stick around long enough
to make me think about it.

But I will tell you that
I'm in total love with the green apple gel flavor.

Oh, you care, you know you do.

The green apple gel flavor
gives you a fresh feelin' that lasts and lasts.
Uh huh, it does, too!
Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised.

Need to try the Mint and Strawberry next...
the Chocolate and Mint just sounds dangerous.

I haven't asked how my breath smells
to anyone around me,
but I haven't lost any friends yet,
so "score"!

Read up on it here at Cool Hunting,
and try a tube of Fructodent
if you can find it,
and shove it down someone's stocking this year.

Need to post a product review soon, about this crazy toothpaste I found called Fructodent.

Well, my 7-year old soulmate Hannah found it for me on a shopping spree the other day. And I'll get right on that soon. But my mother is going to kick my butt into the next zip code if I don't help her mail off some packages today. I'll get to the toothpaste. But until then, I know ya'll are busy wrapping up festivities anyway, and hopefully enjoying the company of your best friends and families, and in my case, friends that have chosen each other as family. Thank ya, God, for these people! To all of you out there, you know I love ya. I'd even let you win at Monopoly, you mean that much to me.

So, I hope you are all well and having a wonderful season. I don't know about y'all, but I can't wait for the new year. That's the damn truth. And I will drink champagne, so you better, too.

I was thinking, if you haven't done so yet, regardless of anything you have going on, stop it, and add "baking cookies" to your list. Make sure you bake lots of cookies. Regardless of everything else, they make the world smell better. I wish one week could be designated to baking cookies and nothing else.

In fact, it doesn't have to be fancy. Here is an easy cookie recipe for you to try called "Hidden Mint Cookies" (what, clicked link and no photo? well, they are easy, and good) from Paula Dean, Southern cook extraordinaire. Her suuuuuutherrrrhnnnn draaaawwwwl used ta git on m' last nerrrrrve, but na-yow siiince Ah've been back in Mis'sippi fer a cupla weeks, I tawwwwlk jeeeeest laaack herrrrr!! Yes ah dew! "An' yew can kiss mah behind on th' capitol steps an' Ah'll geeve yew two weeks ta draw a crowd if it ain't so," says my mother's neighbor across the street. An' y'knowhuuut, I theenk I kiiiinda liiiiike eet!

So falalalala, an' ennnnjoy-way, sugahhhrs! xox - bny

ps: An' if yer feelin' reeeeeeal darin', try these Magnolia Lace Trumpet Cookies. (Worth a click for the photo alone. They made me squeal when she bit into one on tv. It was a good squeal.)

pps: Keeping up that southern drawl is hard. I promise to only do it every now'n'then, you'uns.

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:















I went to the doctor yesterday and got a cuppa platelets, to go.

My New Year's Resolution is, for the rest of my life so other people can feel this good, to become a healthy platelet donor. Oh, and to floss more. Flossing is good.

Update: After checking my bloodcounts again yesterday, my platelet levels were just low enough for a platelet transfusion, so I took it. It was a long, crawling weekend since last Friday, and this I needed. Test results are finally coming down to a pinpoint of at least what to treat - ITP caused by aplastic anemia. Doctor thinks my T-cell lympocytes have lost their minds and switched into kill-mode and are now taking it out on the stem cells, which aren't allowed to function properly and produce cells that produce platelets, which causes the anemia deep within the bones.

This is a good example of what unchecked, out-of-control cells can do to the healthy cells around them - when there is no teamwork, you cannot make a system work.

It'll take 3 months of cyclo-something or other to figure out if this is what it is. Yes, this whole idiopathic scenario is one of those things that even the most experienced hematologist thinks, "Well, damn." The doctor drilled down with another bone marrow on me yesterday (I got Ativan, my highly-recommended new best friend), so I hope to know more next week.

Sometime next week, I'm going into the hospital to get 5 days worth of medicines that'll hopefully kick the platelets into production again. I'm way past stir-crazy, patience is not my virtue, I want to be doing something, but I'll do it. And I hope none of this information makes you want to hurl so I can keep people updated. Look at it like this: These are just interesting tests run on the eternal labmonkie who's not quite sure she wants all these beautiful drugs wear off!

Santa needs to swing by with an upgrade, but

...scanner works well. This is good to know since I'm still staying with my mom in my old hometown to visit a really good doctor. He's the hematologist that kept my dad going with his Chronic Lympocyctic Leukemia for 20+ years. And that is a remarkable considering patients diagnosed with CLL usually get a life expectancy of only 10 years, max. Also, I credit that longevity to my dad's will of iron, steel, and a little duct tape. "Never give up, never say die. And hand me a Bud Light, would ya?"

Anyway, not to get heavy in the slightest, but since some of you know, I'll give updates where I can. That kind of personal stuff embarrasses me, so I'll keep it uncharacteristically brief. But I've developed some idiopathic blood disorder called ITP where my white cells are high enough, but my red blood cell count is down and my platetets are either being killed off by a mutation or just not producing at all. I had a bone marrow done last Tuesday that didn't yield the information the doctor needed.

Can I just say here, children, they corkscrewed a chunk out of my buttbone. And now, I can relate totally to a corkscrew and a cork. So, be kind to your wine next time. Or, buy the screwcapped version.

Good news is, they say it's not lymphoma or leukemia. Maybe it's aplastic anemia. In my overactive mind, I've now successfully internet-diagnosed myself with everything from the monkey pox to radon poisoning to wheat allergies to prostate cancer. That's what not knowing does me. If you think you know what it is, oh please don't tell me. I love a good surprise.

Anyway, my posts are not meant to bum anyone out, because if you know me, then you will hear me laughing at the end of each dose of medicine. Read these posts with a smile at the end, like usual.

Forget all that. Mostly, I will try to post stories about the things my mother and her friends say and do because, quite frankly, these steel magnolias absolutely kill me. These women are hilarious. These women keep other people going with laughter. And butter cookies. And other tasty snacks.

If I disappear for a week, I'll be back. It's hard for me to keep up with anything electronic between the tea, the steroids, and Christmas already?...plus blocks of reruns of "Will & Grace", "Frasier", and "The Golden Girls". You heard right: "The Golden Girls". I know, I know. Someone, shoot me! I never watched it before, at the very least mocked it in the 80's,but right now, there is something really comforting about it.

I promise, the above will be the most embarrassing confession I will reveal to you, ever.

I hardly ever watched tv before. But now, it's there. Interesting experiment. Now, I watch Montel Williams but only for Sylvia Browne, and also watch some other interesting chick named Lisa Williams, I think. Fascinating psychic woman with the craziest hair ever.

Ok, one of the most embarrassing confession I will reveal to you, besides that "Golden Girl" one...

I also watch a crafting show with some midwestern woman named Carol. Oh yeah. I said it. And I totally enjoy it. For 14 years, I worked in an industry-full of people who'd make fun of that show over a *working lunch* of a tiny cup of over-priced lentil soup with a crustina to choke on, but it's made me use my hands again. Made lots of things with beads, ribbons, charms, and antique buttons. Which is exactly why I needed to get some distance from that industry-full of people who'd make fun of that show over a *working lunch* of a tiny cup of over-priced lentil soup with a crustina to choke on. Isn't life funny? Or is that irony? I'll go look it up after I buy a packet of irridescent glitter.

Can hear me laughing and smiling? I know you can relate, too. Gotta go get more beads now! xox ~ bny

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

Subhead:
My mom's scanner doesn't suck so bad after all...
more on that later.

This week's Tuesday Morning's Scribute to 10am:

Happy "Authentically Creative, and Not for Posers" Monday!