What am I doing?
I'm trying not to eat all the French Vanilla Cool Whip.

I know, I know.

Nothing special about Cool Whip, right?

Trust me, it's never meant anything to me before

either. Kind of a superficial topping for desserts

that probably don't need toppings to begin with,

but in this case?

Fine, leave it all for me then,

being that French Vanilla is a seasonal flavor.

I don't even like Cool Whip,

but this...this tastes like coconut cake.

They don't need to make tv commercials for this.

They just need to walk door-to-door and

make people try a spoonful, just one spoonful.

Besides the Frito's Scoops in the house, too,

along with Jalapeno Cheddar Doritos

(thanks a lot, Ron),

I don't know how I am managing

to leave any of this for any one else.

I think it's the proximity

of the three to each other.

It's creating a confusion shield

with just enough interference

so I can't choose between any of them

and can't hear anything
but static when they call to me at night.

Lucky, lucky me for that.

Crikey. It's Christmas already!

Now what am I doing?

Crashing through the holly tree

in the front yard as I try

to string the lights around it.

Considering I have thrombocytopenia these days,

this is probably not

the smartest thing I've done lately,

but it could be one of the bravest.

I'm thinking of wrapping myself in tin foil

like a baked potato, not only for protection

but also because the neighbors have come to expect

this sort of thing from me.

Wish me luck and send me platelet transfusions.

On second thought,

just send me French Vanilla Cool Whip instead.

And bring some chili cheese dip from my Fritos.

And some rare brisket for the anemia.

What the hell, it's a party!