Friday, November 24, 2006

Okay, I'm home.

Back in the office now,
but now, it's Friday.
So, I asked the boss for a half-day off.
And since I'm my boss now, I said "yes"
because I'm such a nice boss.

In fact, I think I'll give myself a raise.

And charge a bunch of
personal travel charges to the company,
call it new business,
and do all my *holiday shopping* online,
during regular business hours,
between pretentious yoga fad-du-jour classes,
and walk around,
gloating to everyone in the company,
my captive audience,
how I have one-upped them all,
and finished my shopping
before they all have,
(but to be honest,
it's easy when it's for,
like,
only two people actually)...

Nah, wait wait wait...
I know I'm way-hay more decent
to stoop to that crooked behavior.
That sounds exactly
like an ex-boss I had.

But still, to this day,
I can't really call her my boss,
because out of every year I spent there,
she was not the boss of me.
And she knew it.

But I will stop to compliment myself
on what a truly golden asset I am
to my own company.

My company will also pride itself
on never, ever using PowerPoint,
will donate a bare minimum to start
of 10% income
to a few charitable causes
starting with causes that feed the hungry,
will recycle,
will value its employees
(No, really.),
will conserve energy and resources,
will not act like something we are not,
will not sell something we don't understand
or love,
will be able to explain our name
and our beliefs,
will fill up bird-feeders and take care of strays,
will allow office dogs
(even if they make an oopsie-poop in the hall),
will not refer to dog duke as oopsie-poop again,
will meet like-minded people
to form lasting, working relationships
versus grubbing up "clients"
for The Money and
the shameless schmoozefests,

(Basically,
my company will do things exactly the opposite

of how I've been made to do them
the past several years.)

and,
instead of desperately threatening them
to prove my authority,
to leverage them into respecting me
or please Dear God please just like me,
constantly scaring them into working
for me because the market is small
so where else will you work if not here,
I will motivate them
because they motivate me.
And will hope they like me
because I don't suck.
Because at my company,
no one will suck.
My company will be good company.

And everything we make is good.

And everyone who works there is happy.

And so far,
I'm the only one who works here,
and I meet all the requirements, above.

Man, so.
So much for taking the day off.
Time to knock-off early instead,
to make something cool.

And, to give thanks to God
that I am finally home.





1 comment:

chelle said...

me me me me!