Once again, not dead yet. In fact, I'm reanimated from The Terrible Land of Zombiedeath.

I've just been insane at work, phlegmtastic at home, and lollygaggin' on a completely chairless and totally disgusting floor at Laguardia airport for approximately 9 hours on Monday. Do not get me started, I will rant more than the usual mad woman.

But it was all worth it since New York city rocks the entire world. For once, I was home. Finally, a place where I didn't feel alone, retarded or out-of-place. Or all of the above. Home I tell you! Able to leap subway cars in a single bound, hopping puddles of hobo urine with absolutely no human eye contact with anything but the pigeon eating the puddle of vomitted carrots and milk. Disgusting, yes, but it's a lot less freaky than watching a pigeon in Memphis pick a porkrib bone clean:

"Your eyeballs!" she screamed, "Your eyeballs are nexxxxttt!!"

New York was literally It for me. No. Really. I understand It, I get It. I am not the one to start the fight, but as God as my witness, I will finish it:

"What is MY problem? No pardon me, @#$%er @#$%er, what is YOUR problem?! Can't you see I'm walkin' here? What are you, the QUEEN of the 130 East 94th, over here? You really want a bite of this?! BRING IT!"

Good way for me to purge the past couple of weeks anyway. Plus we walked everywhere in the cold, the temperate, and the snow. Many of you do not understand how that makes me Very Happy. Being that I was born in the Deep South and tried for years to get my parents to take me to Sesame Street, not because I liked Muppets, but because apparently some places had this thing called seasons, besides just summer, and snow versus frog-strangling terrarium humidity. At the age of 5 even, all that looked like a fun to me.

So we saw Christo's Gates. We did a Da Vinci Code themed scavenger hunt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art through Cityhunt, and that was incredible. I don't even like playing games really, and this was extremely validating fun for me. Then we ate dinner at L'Orange Bleue which was surprisingly casual and extremely tasty. Then we ended up at an Amsterdam-type caviar-and-vodka bar named Pravda with a bunch of models, so if you need to know where any of those beautiful types hang out, well there ya go. Then we ended up at Prohibition, which again, was incredible fun.

Okay, so if anyone is left out there reading this, 1. I think you are the absolute greatest person in the world, 2. I'm sorry I made you worry, I'm not dead (yet) so 2. let's take a trip to New York, like, now. I'm still packed. I'll keep an emergency bag packed for the rest of my life, by the way.

Also, check out the darkened picture of me'n'my ponytail and m'(borrowed)red coat praying in front of an out-of-service elevator. That's a long story. At least I'm devout-looking.