Boneyard

"Attentiveness is the path to true life;
Indifference is the path to death.
The attentive do not die;
The indifferent are as if they are dead already."
- Dhammapada

Somebody else got fired yesterday. And today, we got pizza. Hmm. I guess it's quicker than a cake order. Plus, bakeries don't usually deliver without an additional charge. One girl called it the "Pat on the Head" pizza. The patteroni pizza. With extra cheese. Somebody got fired, and we got pizza.

One guy thinks that we have enough work to create the appearance of actually working for the next few days or so, equating it to making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you are almost out of peanut butter. "You have to start kinda thin at the beginning," as he pretends to scrape peanut butter around his palm on his invisible slice of bread with his invisible knife. "You have to spread it to the edge and then see if you can kinda spread it out to the sides, like this... no jelly, though... we can't afford that."

"How is the company morale?" I'm not sure what exactly makes me feel so poisoned by this question. If it's not the completely useless and insulting point of anyone asking a question they already know the answer to, then what is it? Is it that I've been used in a handout here and there to sell a service that doesn't exist at this company? Or that I can't stand being around some people who are as shallow as pie pans, and as easy to read as a cheap comic book? Maybe I feel sick because it's payday, and we have yet to be paid today. Is this the day that the place went under? And shouldn't I care, instead of wondering how I'm going to move all of my shit out of this office and into my foyer for the second time in ten months?

When I was a little kid, I thought that you go to school and you work hard and you do well; then you go to college and you work harder still (plus you drink beer and probably have a decent set of boobs by then and hopefully a car, of which I had neither), and you do well; and when you get out of college, even if you don't set the world on fire being whatever it is you hoped to be, then you could at least have a job where you didn't have to worry every day if you were going to lose it. Especially if you didn't care.

If i would have known that then, if I would've known that life wasn't going to be like that, results produced by results, then I would've moved to another country and taken more chances.

People can always say the pedestrian, "It's better than digging a ditch. You should be lucky that you even have a job. Life is not fair." And to that I say, "I didn't go to all the trouble for such little incentive. And I didn't major in ditch digging. And if I believed you, then I'd stay here."

To the people who try to make us feel insecure about out present futures, who manipulate us into feeling somehow grateful to have a job that doesn't really exist, I hope the day comes soon. When everyone finds out that you were officially nobody all along, even though your business card seemed to spell out a different story in six words or less.

And I also hope one day that we all hear about it, wherever we all might be. That's beginning to sound very fair to me.